One year ago today I went on a date with a Mormon girl in Utah to see the fireworks for the 4th of July. I wanted to have a real relationship with her, which would have included sex. I wanted it all...an emotional and physical connection. I wanted so desperately to experience all the cosmos could give with a relationship between two people, and I wanted it with her. We ended up having a good relationship from a "we can talk about anything" standpoint. We slowly became more and more physical over the weeks we dated, but never made it to the point of having sex. I wanted to all along, and at times she wanted to as well, but held back. It was very hard for both of us. Fast forward a month or so, and I was laid off from work and decided to move back to NJ for a bit. She fell in love with me. And we continued to fight about having sex. The night I ended our relationship we both were pretty heated. Here is the #1 priority in her mind, and I quote: "He is my Savior, and the only way to the Father is through Him. Nothing will stop me, not even the man I love in New Jersey."

That's hard to swallow folks. It's very hard to accept a denial of reality for something made up (she doesn't know it's really made up yet and still believes). She told me once her faith is her reality. It hurts guys, cuz I was once there too as a Catholic, then started questioning the bigger picture of life and left the church to live being true to myself with what was given to me (I.e. I have a sex drive like everyone else and I'm not waiting to marriage to slam because some old guy is telling me to). These people (Mormons) are literally living to die and the true believers really are robots completely wrapped around the fingers of those old dudes in SLC. And it breaks my heart. So much about TSCC is ass-backwards. You don't marry someone to then fall in love with them because you didn't cuddle with each other when you were dating. NO. You marry someone because you love them and have built a bond between the two of you that only you two can understand and it makes you both feel complete and so happy. I have nostalgia tonight. It'll pass. Thank for all for being there. At least in not totally alone. Goodnight.

What was hard to swallow was that she wasn't ready for that part of a relationship, and all you cared about, I gather from your entire rant on the subject, was to have sex. No matter what her reasoning, if she wasn't ready she wasn't ready. Being a dick doesn't change that, it only ingrains it even more.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/05/2016 03:07AM by Pop Shot.

Patience, have patience... she has been brainwashed her entire life and needs time to work through things.

So you're upset that you dodged a bullet?

I know you think you're fishing, but remember which gender is the one with the hook.

"Mormons are literally living to die."

I want to point out that that is a profound statement.

Yes, it is. Mormon's have to die to receive their so-called "blessings" and that really takes a good deal of faith to swallow.

Sorry that you are sad you can't be with who you love because of religion. Would she just not sleep with you or wouldn't consider being with you ever even if you agreed to respect her view on sex? Perhaps if you still speak ask her well thought out thought provoking questions that are asked from a loving place. You may never be with her but if you truely love her, it may help her wake up later. I had a guy I dated ask me many good questions and it took me about ten years before I realized it was a lie. However it helped me and I am forever grateful he did that. That is, if you still are on talking terms.

It is so hard when people we love are being controlled by something else that causes them to behave a manner they would not normally choose to act like. :( I had one guy I really liked say "I wonder what you would be like without the brainwashing?" I bet you felt the same way. It really ticked me off he said that so I wouldn't recommend saying that. But he knew my personality would change in different situations and I'm sure it was disturbing.

I agree that trying to convince her to have sex with you is really wrong no matter her reasons. Consent is "Hell yes and a high five!" Sorry I don't know who said that. I understand it was a long time ago but just saying for future reference. If anyone has any reservations then it is not okay to press the subject. Maybe if you date any more LDS girls you will need to focus on every other part of the relationship and respect her views. Convincing a true believing LDS to have sex will most likely lead to her facing church discipline and a lot of damaging embarrassment and shame. Having been through confessions and such myself it is a terrible humiliating experience. If you love someone let them live their beliefs even if it is all made up. It's okay to try to help them see the light in a kind way but not okay to pressure them into not living what they believe.

I hope I haven't made any rude assumptions. I know you are probably hurting. It is so annoying watching people be duped.

Mormonism is a whole 'nother kettle of fish from Catholicism. Yes the Catholic church is very good at inducing guilt, but in the end the majority of modern young North American and European Catholics are going to have premarital sex. I honestly don't know of an adult Catholic of my generation or later who hasn't had premarital sex. A Catholic who is saving it for marriage is a rare bird indeed.

Mormonism, OTOH, strongly encourages premarital chastity, and it is far more common, if not the norm in that church. There is heavy indoctrination of teenage girls to that end, far heavier than in Catholicism. Teenage and single Mormons are asked about their chastity in frequent, private, one-on-one interviews with their bishops. It would have been very difficult if not impossible for your Mormon girlfriend to defy that.

So basically what it boils down to is that the both of you were raised in two very different church cultures and wanted different things. It happens. And added to that, a move will often spur a breakup when there are pre-existing cracks in a relationship.

If premarital sex is important to you, then date women who are not religious, or who were raised in Catholicism or the mainstream Protestant churches. And *listen* to the woman. If she says she is not interested in premarital sex, then respect that and accept that the both of you want different things. She is not the one for you.

Did you REALLY think that with you being a "non-mormon" that you were ever going to have a life with this girl? Especially with a statement like "He is my Savior, and the only way to the Father is through Him. Nothing will stop me, not even the man I love in New Jersey."
That, above anything else, should show you in no uncertain terms that her loyalty is to her cult first and foremost. You dodged a bullet, and while others here might point out that your motives DO seem to be about how to get this girl in bed with you, whatever relationship you thought you might have with her was always going to be second place to her relationship with her "church".

Don't make this guy feel bad for wanting to have sex.

But with that being said, anytime you have a difference in religious views it can create problems,even between similar backgrounds.If you are thinking long term, like marriage and kids (because she is).. this relationship would be doomed from the start. She seems hard core Mormon and you are atheist with a Roman Catholic background that is 2 strikes against you. Her family would be constantly worried about her eternal life, they would be actively working against you.

Chalk this up to a broken heart... find a girl with similar views.

PS I grew up in NJ and I did not realize how many people (Mormons, JWs, Evangelical Christians) really think that the Roman Catholic church is 'the whore of Bablyon' 'Great and Abominable Church' etc. My mom grew up in the Deep South, and I live there now and she told me about how anti-Catholic some people are, I did not fully believe her until I saw it myself. (We were not Catholic BTW, but pretty much everyone I grew up with was)

You knew from the get-go that you were not going to be a match in some areas, right? You knew her standards for herself, but you didn't want to listen as you wanted what you wanted.
You were not on the same page. You knew that from the get-go.
Now you're unhappy because it ended with exactly what you knew it would.
Find someone who is on the same page with you and you won't be disappointed when you can't change them to be what you want or do what you want.

This is about relationships and religion can play a huge role. Next time, look for someone who you know will be more in tune with what you want in a relationship. Learn from this one that you cannot force people to be or do what you want.