Posted by:
blackcoatsdaughter
(
)
Date: September 05, 2023 10:36AM
I have heard reports lately that Google is getting worse at doing its job, so, it might not be your fault entirely.
My name is based on the 2015 movie of the same name. I think I watched it in 2020 and it really resonated with me. Not just the dual meaning the film makes where a "blackcoat" was a priest but also an ominous reference to the opposition. A daughter of both, rebelling against the desires of the holy man to worship and idolize the power from below.
Metaphorically, this spoke to me as at first, very much, I had a hard time letting go of the brainwashing, the feeling that I was being led astray by my doubts. At a certain point of learning, there is no going back, unknowing the things you've learned, and you even glorify in the way it tears down everything you knew and everything that made you feel safe before. So, at the time I made my name, I felt like a rebellious daughter choosing the wicked father and his dark path, abandoning the father that made me and had sought to control me.
SPOILERS
I also really felt touched by the dark romantic story of the film, Kat being seduced by this power, this entity which causes her to do horrible things yet she feels good and feels cared for. And being exorcized in the end, her begging the entity not to abandon her, yet it does. And nothing she does will bring it back and she ends the film alone having committed more crimes.
In a way, I felt this way over my faith crises. It was not intentional, my shelf breaking but once it started I couldn't look away nor could I deny what I had learned. I felt like Kat being exorcized from this "friend" that had made a home in her heart, begging the church, my faith not to leave me, and being left cold and alone after all. I no longer feel sad about it now but I remember very clearly the twisted romance of being in love with a cult that makes you think you're feeling one way when really t is doing other awful things to your life. And then you're left holding the bag, responsible for your choices, no accountability from them or the part they played.