Subject: What were some of your craziest mission rules/beliefs???
Date: Jun 17 15:57
Author: james

If you dont get in by 10.30 then you are in satans dominion.
The pope has 666 on his hat!!
General authoritys have their ppis (personal priesthood interviews) with the lord!!
We were convinced our mission pres had had his 'calling and election made sure'i.e he had seen jesus!!
Dinosaur bones were put here to test our faith!!
Neeeever leave your companion i had would sit right outside the toilet!!

You must of had loads...lets here em!!Makes you laugh(or cry)!!

Subject: Okay, a sample rule
Date: Jun 17 18:36
Author: Stray Mutt
Mail Address:

As a DL [District Leader] I was supposed to know where all the elders in my charge were every moment of every day even though their areas were 45 miles away in one direction and 60 miles away in the other. Even if they were just on the other side of town, how could any of us get any work done if I was always checking on them or they were on the phone reporting to me?

Here's another little mission "belief," though I think the MP was the only one who believed it. There were a lot of gravel roads in the mission. This meant a lot of chipped and cracked windshields and headlights. At a zone meeting the MP declared it was the fault of following other vehicles too closely. One elder (either confused or terribly gutsy) raised his hand and replied, "But we got the crack in our windshield from a car coming the other way." (Which is how it usually happened.) Rather than admit the limitations of his "inspired" theory, the MP then accused the elder of some sin that made them unworthy of the Spirit's magical anti-stone shield.

Subject: LOL... Classic morg leader mentality...n/t
Date: Jun 18 12:23
Author: Sir Laughsallot


Subject: oh man...
Date: Jun 17 16:13
Author: rabbit
Mail Address:

“Other people will not be converted and feel the spirit unless I am righteous.”
I was always amazed when my MP said this. I never understood why others would be held back b/c I was not living mission rules. What a freaking joke. I left my mission early b/c I saw how toxic it was for me emotionally. I am grateful I did, however, the scarlet letter I wore for years after was excruciating.

Subject: WOW Rabbit.
Date: Jun 18 14:04
Author: sonoflds
Mail Address:

That took guts . . . especially at that age. I'm impressed. Well, and bravely, done.

Subject: That we represented the true church of J.C.! Nt
Date: Jun 17 16:19
Author: Sancho
Mail Address:


Subject: We had more than our share
Date: Jun 17 16:46
Author: Elwood
Mail Address:

I second Stray Mutt's.

Here are some actual rules we had:

Only solid color ties - solid blue with a blue suit, solid brown with a brown suit. No other colors of suits or ties allowed.

If you covenant to sacrifice meals, sleep, mail, anything and everything else, you will be blessed with baptisms. (And any other crazy extension of Grant von Harrison's wacky ideas.)

Run, don't walk, from door to door.

Don't ever talk about home. You shouldn't even know where your companion is from.

Subject: That we had to wear businessman hats from Oct. through march. This was 1978-80 in Frankfurt. nt
Date: Jun 17 16:52
Author: Socrates
Mail Address:


Subject: Re: What were some of your craziest mission rules/beliefs???
Date: Jun 17 17:20
Author: Peekay
Mail Address:

Our dumbest rule was that if we were ever asked how long we'd been out, or how long we had left, we could only answer in one of two ways: Just under a year or just over a year.

Subject: Re: What were some of your craziest mission rules/beliefs???
Date: Jun 17 17:53
Author: Passing Through
Mail Address:

Yes. We had the same rule. I remember thinking they are saying it's okay to lie. I got caught on it once; a member challenged my "little less than a year" because he would have seen me around.

Subject: Where?
Date: Jun 17 18:03
Author: Peekay
Mail Address:

Did you serve in Japan? If so, please e-mail me. Maybe we were in the same mission.

Subject: craziest mission beliefs???
Date: Jun 17 18:00
Author: Insomniac
Mail Address:

If you don't keep all of the rules them one of your Danish brother/sisters will not hear the gospel because of your unfaithfullenss.

The gaining of a testimony is in the bearing of a testimony.

How successful you are as a missionary will gauge how successful you are the rest of your life.

The spirit of god IS like a fire is burning.

Subject: My contenders...
Date: Jun 17 18:31
Author: DeafGuy
Mail Address:

Hawaii: Missionaries can't ever touch sand or go to this certain mall in Waikiki, and the way I heard it was that SWK visited Hawaii one time and got freaked out at the skin on display. My companion nicely got around this by going to the beaches covered with grass or rocks--not "touching sand" so no foul.

Indiana: Eat everything we're given at dinner appointments, whether we like it or not. I was unsure how to deal with this in the case of being offered tea by a less-active member.

Or, how about the king of them all: Anyone who shuts their door on us is condemned to a lower kingdom for eternity. Corrollary to that is the one where we're condemned for responsibility--if we skipped our scripture study that morning, then we're responsible for yet another lost soul.

Even more fun was the sheer arbitrary nature of rules between different missions. This mission, only the senior companion drives. That mission, they don't even make a distinction between senior/junior companions. This mission, you can wear short sleeves shirts, that mission, long sleeved only (and climate wasn't necessarily a factor).

Or, how about the mileage limits on your car. When I was actually working, we burned through the miles, because I worked specifically with deaf people all over the mission. I might have a teaching appoint on this side of the mission in the morning, tract on the other side in the afternoon and the "tracting" consisted of driving to a house where a deaf person is known to live then drive somewhere else to the next house, etc, then haul my rear somewhere else for a dinner appointment, etc.

So, we'd invariably use up our monthly mileage allowance, usually ~1500 miles.

And get this: When it came down to teaching more discussions, perhaps even baptizing more people ...OR... sit cooling our heels in our apartment so we don't run over the monthly mileage allowance, which one do you think the leadership opts for? Yes, the mileage allowance.

We did have one mission president who thought otherwise, and let us go over the mileage allowance. But did you know that car mileage gets reported to SLC? And when SLC HQ sees a car over the mileage allowance, they call and chew out the mission president. So the mission president scales back his focus on converts and refocuses on keeping his cars under the mileage allowance.

I digress, but this is one of the things that makes me doubt that the top hierarchy really believes. If they did believe, they'd have a greater focus on converts. Instead, it's all about money and control.

Subject: Ah, that reminds me of another one
Date: Jun 17 18:47
Author: Stray Mutt

Our areas were so large we were always running up against mileage limits. So naturally, when we had to go out of our area to a zone conference, we took the shortest route possible -- which was very dusty gravel road. By the time we arrived at zone conference there's a thick layer of dust on the car and us - since there was no air conditioning and we had to drive with the windows open or pass out from the heat. But the MP was all tweaked out of shape because we weren't crisp and clean and shiny like model representatives of the Lord's corporation.

Subject: Mileage limits
Date: Jun 17 19:38
Author: Elwood
Mail Address:

Ah yes, the all important mileage limits. In our mission it was common for missionaries to just disconnect the odometer when they got near their limit. It was very easy on the Toyota's we drove - just reach under the dash and squeeze a lever and the cable would come off. And the mission president couldn't figure out why the cars were having so many repairs. I never did it, but other missionaries thought it was alright so they could continue in doing the lards work.

Subject: Rules
Date: Jun 17 18:48
Author: Tyler

My first day in the mission we were up till 2:00 a.m. I was paranoid thinking that something awful was going to happen like satan murdering us because we had stayed out later than the mission rules of 11:00. LOL

My trainer, quickly set to break me of all the petty rules like tracting, working, getting up before 11:00 am and lots of lame ass mission stuff. GOD I LOVE HIM!

At the time I didn't care for my trainer as I felt he had great wickedness and our baptisms were suffering. He talked much about pornography, ate exceedingly salty foods, and cared not for the lard's work.

The thing that really started my questioning the church was the arbitrary rules from mission to mission. Our pres. said that if we didn't obey, that we didn't love God!

Well pres. How come in the North mission they CAN listen to music, and they CAN watch videos on P-day? You mean God has different rules for missionaries 3 miles away in a different boundary?!?

he set us up to believe that our obedience to the rules determined our baptism's. He was inspired to recieve them of the Lard. Funny, when a rumor got around that I visited a strip joint, out of the mission in a restricted area of Buenos Aires (true) his revelation didn't do him a lick of good in discerning it from my words. Take that you self-righteous F***. What can you expect, he had small man, bald man syndrome


Subject: The fricken field is white...
Date: Jun 17 18:50
Author: Exmorg

WTF does that REALLY mean, anyway? :)

--that if you don't perform 4 hours of community service per week (a waste of time, in my opinion...either do way more than 4 hours or don't do any) you're not going to get any baptisms

--you MUST speak with 25 people per day...otherwise, you're not following the rules and won't be blessed with baptisms

--your companion must always be in your sight (I always thought that was stupid...what about the bathroom and such?!)

--you have to pray eighteen gazillion times a day! (Don't tell me prayers don't become rote when you say them so often.) Otherwise, you won't get any baptisms!

--You can't go in pools, let alone the ocean (having served in L.A. and so close to the beach, and it was hotter than hell's kitchen, this particular rule almost killed me.) Otherwise, you won't get any baptisms!

--Be in by 10:30...not 10:29, not 10:31. Otherwise, you won't get any baptisms!

--For the women...something REALLY lame they told us in the MTC: "Carry a comb so that you look your best every time you step into someone's home." As if a measly comb would even go through my curly, untamed hair. And as if God would deny baptisms if your hair was out of place.

What a complete pile of crap.

Subject: The pope does have 666 on his hat.
Date: Jun 17 19:57
Author: SLDrone

Well, it was a papal crown worn by the pope decades ago. And it didn't say 666, it said VICARIVS FILII DEI - latin for vicarious son of god. When you assign Roman Numerals to the latin letters, they add up to 666. ooooooooo scary.

Subject: VICARIVS FILII DEI = 666???
Date: Jun 18 09:52
Author: alex
Mail Address:

Ok I'm a hindu-arabic numbers guy. Any Roman care to explain this. I do remember a few basics.

I = 1
V = 5
X = 10
L = 50
C = 100
D = 500 ???
M = 1000

Now how does VICARIVS FILII DEI = 666??

Subject: Re: VICARIVS FILII DEI = 666???
Date: Jun 18 13:09
Author: SLDrone
Mail Address:

V =5
I =1
C =100
A =0
R =0 112
I =1
V =5
S =0

F =0
I =1 53
L =50
I =1
I =1

D =500
E =0 501
I =1 +_____


Charles Didier showed me that. I'm sure in was a coincidence - which contrary to the popular axiom do exist.

Subject: The harder you worked on your mission the better looking your wife would be
Date: Jun 17 21:25
Author: Bivibob
Mail Address:

I heard more than a few elders spew this shit.

Subject: Don't teach a family unless the man is at home.
Date: Jun 17 21:36
Author: Dark Sparks

This rule was made because we were baptizing women left and right, but very few men. This is a problem because there is not enough priesthood bearers in the branch. (Salvation is secondary to priesthood? We don't want the loser women without their man and his priesthood?)

So we are supposed to look for the man while tracting. But guess what...the kind of men we were looking for had jobs and were usually not home at the times we were tracting. What a waste of time and what a bunch of loser "jobless" priesthood leaders we found and baptized.

But they didn't smoke and drink (except in secret) so we only had the "quality" people join the church. If only we could find them jobs. Some of these men converts even thought that they would be paid once they got the priesthood. It made a good excuse for them to go inactive once they realized the payoff was only "spiritual."

I could have baptized lots more if only I had broken this one mission rule...and think of how many women I could have "saved." Perhaps I could have gotten all of them for myself in the Celestial glory. Oh, the gospel is wonderful.

Subject: Re: What were some of your craziest mission rules/beliefs???
Date: Jun 18 02:47
Author: DemonwithaGlasshand
Mail Address:

And I thought we had some crazy rules. Actually we didn't. Ours was standard mission fare. We could see one movie per month and in our mission it was cheap enough. But I hear tell many times and saw it once when the theater showed previews for porno flicks. And sooner or later one of the elders got himself sent home and guess what? No more movies. I suppose part of his temptation was watching the previews, don't you think? I guess in retrospect our MP's bark was bigger than his bite (except for me. As a convert I made a very convenient whipping boy). But if you knew the man you'd swear we were full of little piddlydink rules. In all honesty, we weren't.

Subject: We had to stand up in honor of our MP everytime he entered the room. nt
Date: Jun 18 13:57
Author: Socrates
Mail Address:


Subject: Re: What were some of your craziest mission rules/beliefs???
Date: Jun 18 10:08
Author: Jester
Mail Address:

* No naps.
* No nail biting.
* No gum.
* No hands in pockets.
* No music except on P-days and Sundays.
* Jackets October 1st through April 30th. (when I removed mine around April 28th, an Elder in my apartment tried to give me a huge guilt trip)
* No attending sporting events on P-day (in a country where soccer is *huge*), only classical music concerts and opera.
* 65 hours proselyting (62 wasn't enough), 15 hours tracting a week (in a country where tracting is a fruitless demonstration of your obedience and desire to be a "real" missionary)

Thinking back, it wasn't that bad, but awfully nit-picky. My mission president was a good man with the best of intentions, although he was a bit obsessed with sexual sin.

Subject: We logged 65 hours of proselyting for the first half of my mission
Date: Jun 18 12:36
Author: RPMcMurphy

until the MP discovered that we were not including travel time in with these figures. Which meant that we were actually spending about 75-80 hours proselyting, which he considered to be too high.

After that, the "load" literally felt lifted from off our backs.


Subject: Re: Pre 1978: if you knocked on a black persons door..
Date: Jun 18 10:21
Author: TAK
Mail Address:

You could not try and teach them, only give them tract and "welcome them" to the hood.

also that SWK actually signed my calling letter.

Actually there were tons of rules; we were not even allowed to listen to music on out P-day unless it was MormTab Period.

Subject: Sucess on your mission determines rest of life's success n/t
Date: Jun 18 12:38
Author: Ex-caliber



3. Mormon Missions - regrets?      

29. Missionaries Were Here 

39. Missionary and Death of a Parent 

50. Missionaries Use Manipulation 

74. Missionary Companions

76. Crazy Mission Rules 

85. Regrets of LDS Mission II 

 94. New Missionary Standards

99. Missionary Farewells 

120 Missions Promote Lying 

116 Met with Missionaries

142 Regrets Mormon Mission III

151  Saying  'No' to Mormon Missionaries 

154  European Mission Experiences

181  1st Presidency on Missionary Work

205  Missions - Future Apostasy 

209  Control at the MTC 

214  Breaking Mission Rules 

241  Suicides after a Mission 

244  Some Mission Rules 

257  Mormon Grandparents are Stalkers

289 Not Allowed to Serve a Mission

298  Mormon Malignancy Seen in Missions

299 "Get the Fire" PBS Film - Missionaries

309  Happy that Your Mission was Finally Over?

328 Mormon Parents Rat on Missionary Son

361  Missionaries Pressured to Marry Soon after Missions

364 Breakdown of a Mormon Missionary in Japan

404  Missionary Program and Immigration Fraud

395 More Mormon Missionary Abuse

425  More on Mormon Missionary Abuse II

431 More on Mormon Missionary Abuse III

454  Depression and Mormon Missions

477  A Missionary's Food Budget is Reduced to $130/mo

522.  Nightmares of Being Called to a Second Mission 555  Japan Mission under Groberg - a Cruel Experiment



Recovery from Mormonism - The Mormon Church

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