Note to those who are not Mormons: Family members are excluded from Mormon temple weddings if they are not Mormons or if they are "unworthy" Mormons. In other words, if your daughter (or son) is a convert to Mormonism, you will be denied entrance to the temple to see her married. You will wait outside the temple or in a visitor center while she is married. She will be wearing a green apron on top of her wedding dress. The fact that you are her mother or father is irrelevant for this special event. You are considered unworthy. You must hold a Mormon temple recommend. The minimum temple recommend requirements are 10% of your income, active attendance for a year, belief in Joseph Smith as a prophet and abstaining from coffee and tea.
Subject: Is There Anything I Can Do?
[His daughter is a convert to
Mormonism]
Date: Dec 28 11:59 2004
Author: sam
My daughter is choosing to get married in the Mormon temple. She is 19 years old, is there anything I can do within their (the
Mormon) rules that would put a stop to this tragedy? Please help, I'm at the end of my rope.
Thank you, Sam G...
Subject: Re: Is There Anything I Can Do?
Date: Dec 28 12:14
Author: Kev
There aren't a whole lot of technicalities you can use to stop her. As long as she qualifies for a temple recommend, she can get married there. The best thing you can do is get her to read some accounts of Mormon marriages that have been posted here. They are very disappointing
marriage ceremonies.
Subject: I am so sorry Sam...
Date: Dec 28 12:32
Author: wings
This must be the most heartbreaking experience for you.
I would think since she is over 18 and legal, there is nothing you can do to stop this.
She will want you to go sit outside for the photo op after. This makes it all look like you were in the temple and she actually WORE her pretty bridal dress, walked down an aisle, vs. what will really happen. I would think she is clueless about what she is about to experience. It is (and was for me) wicked. You do not feel like you have been through a
marriage ceremony.
I told everyone in my family after I was ex'd that I would NEVER, EVER EVER EVER go sit outside a temple as the unworthy family member, and
I have not.
I can only imagine what it must be like for a FATHER to not see his daughter married.
Again, I am so sorry.
Subject: Review the various links to the Temple Endowment..
Date: Dec 28 12:44
Author: Bob Hudson
And let her know that you will support her fully in her decision, but that Jesus, at his first miracle, turned water into wine, and all partook, and none was excluded.
He never excluded anyone in his meals, his sermons, his worship, his teaching at the Temple, his street preaching, and was often vilified and ridiculed for eating with "sinners", yet the Mormon Church will not allow any of hyour daughter's family to attend the ceremony.
It's another exclusion feature unique to Mormonism that only adjudged faithful can attend the ceremony.
However, rest assured that the day will come that this may be one of the very things that will be the burr in her saddle that makes her pay attention to other things down the road.
I would also spend a few minutes with the people who will be representing you in the Temple (yes, there will substitutes for you) and let them know of your displeasure that your daughter is going to be subjected to bastardized Masonic Oaths and Curses, which was all designed as a smokescreen for illicit adultery by Joseph Smith.
And, that no matter how pretty they apply the makeup to something dead and vile, it is still rotten to the core.
And, try to let her be happy on this day, in spite of your dislikes of the circumstances.
My poor Dad & Mom came all the way to California from Texas (when they couldn't afford it) to see me & my bride ride up the the LA Temple and come back married later in the day.
A lingering and continued regret and source of pain for me, even now.
Bob Hudson
Subject: Tell her what you know
Date: Dec 28 12:45
Author: melissa
When I was TBM [Mormon] and 19 years old my mom had been on her way out of the Morg for about a year. One night she asked me to sit down and listen to what she had to say. She took the entire night to explain to me everything she had learned about the church from
Joseph Smith's wives to blood atonement, etc. She said she would never bother me about it again and accept my decision if I just heard her out for one night. I went to bed in the early hours of the morning with a heavy heart, but when I woke up, I felt as light as a feather. I knew my mom was
right. It was as simple as that. It took her unconditional love to get me to sit and listen and I'm so glad I did.
Subject: Re: My Heartfelt Thanks to ALL of You
Date: Dec 28 14:07
Author: sam
I can feel the warmth of all your hearts, and lean on your thoughts for strength.
My wife and I have taken our children with us on every anniversary that we have had. We did this out of the love that we have for each other and our children.
My thoughts about their views as to my wife and I not being worthy enough to attend would take volumes to expand upon. Hence, I'll keep it short:
To everyone out there that has something beautiful to share and bring meaning to a father/mother and their daughter, PLEASE respond to this e-mail posting, and as the day comes to an end, I'll forward her this page with all your thoughts. Tread lightly with your words, as I do love her and want her to make her own decision.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Sam G...
Subject: Recent temple wedding experience
Date: Dec 28 14:54
Author: NLUC
My brother was recently married in the temple. My pregnant wife, our son, and I drove 800+ miles each way to be there for his wedding even though we knew beforehand that we could not witness it in person. He asked me to be the photographer for the day, which I was more than happy to do for him. So while he was in the temple getting married I photographed the exterior of the building with the flowers and the fall colors. It broke my heart knowing what was going on inside. They were robbed of a normal beautiful wedding. There were no flowers, no music, no flower girl, no ring bearer, no pictures of the ceremony itself, no personalized vows, they didn't even get to pick who married them. It was merely another cookie-cutter assembly line marriage with no consideration to who the bride and groom are or how they feel and what they want.
I can't and won't be associated with an organization that promotes itself as "families first" and "families are forever" and then proceeds to purposely excludes members of a family from one of the most important days in a persons life. When my son and daughter each find that special
individual and decide to marry someday I want to be there, I want to give my daughter away and see my son kiss his new wife. Even though I know I'm over a decade away from this happening the pain in my heart at the thought of missing it nearly makes me sick.
Miss G..., Please reconsider your actions. Excluding your mother and father from this special day is something that you will regret for the rest of your life. Your parents love you dearly and would be absolutely
devastated to be literally left out in the cold on your wedding day. Do not do permanent damage to this relationship by shunning them and the support they have given you your entire life.
NLUC
Subject: My best friend and his wife had a similar situation...
Date: Dec 28 15:20
Author: 006
Out of love for her father, who would not be present for a temple marriage, they chose to be married in a beautiful outdoor ceremony officiated by her stake president, a close family friend.
Her father was able to walk her up the aisle, they had beautiful music playing, her little niece was the flower girl. Everyone had a part to play. I don't think there was a dry eye in the house. Her mother-in-law, until then adamantly opposed to the non-temple ceremony, was beaming, "Oh, I just know this was what was meant to happen! Sniff! It's just so wonderful." etc...
They were happily sealed in the temple one year later.
Through it all, I just felt an amazing amount of regret that my wife and I had not done the same thing, and allowed ALL of our family to participate in our wedding.
Instead, all our adorable nieces and nephews were stuck waiting outside, along with some of their temple-worthy mothers, who also missed the ceremony to watch the kids.
Our non-member grandparents were left out as well. They have not seen a single child or grandchild married. How sad, and completely unnecessary.
I wish you both well in this. Honestly, you will never regret waiting a year for the sealing. It might even make the sealing more meaningful when it isn't overshadowed by the rest of the wedding plans.
Best Wishes.
Subject: Great analogy on temple wedding
Date: Dec 28 15:51
Author: then again
From another poster "Bach" who has your same concerns. This is his post.
=================
He [a Mormon Bishop] tried explaining this "temple exclusion" thing to me once and started out by saying:
"First off Bach, I can imagine how you could feel like this sacred ordinance may at first seem hard to understand, but let me explain..."
I immediately cut him off and asked the following:
"If my son had a birthday party and invited your children, how would you react if you found out we asked your children to wait outside while the rest of the kids sang 'happy birthday' and blew out the candles? Then we kept the birthday presents they brought over?
Now Mr. Bishop, can you imagine how I feel about this?"
Subject: some ramblings about weddings . . . .
Date: Dec 29 01:43
Author: imaworkinonit
I have been to quite a few temple weddings. While these were always happy occasions, the most memorable wedding I have attended was in my sisters living room. My nephew married his VERY pregnant sweetheart just weeks before she was to deliver.
While I'm sure his mother would have preferred a temple wedding, it was obviously NOT going to happen (and never will . . . his wife isn't even LDS and he doesn't believe in it either). Yet this was a tender occasion. The love in that room was overwhelming. And I was so thrilled that even my young children got to see the marriage. As the youngest child, I NEVER got to see any of my brothers or sisters married in the temple (at least not the FIRST time).
Shouldn't a wedding be for the whole family, not just the adults, or the ones who believe a particular way? A wedding should be about the couple's commitment to each other and the joining of two families, yet the church makes it about their commitment to the church and it becomes the source of heartbreak when family members can't attend.
Tonight I looked up the temple wedding vows, and we didnt' make ANY promises to each other. We just gave ourselves (the woman did) or received the woman (the man did) And promised to "keep all the laws, rites, and ordinances pertaining to this Holy Order of Matrimony". There was no mention of cherishing, loving, or anything. Perhaps that is included with the Holy Order of
Matrimomy, but they didn't exactly tell us what that "Order" WAS. We made a covenant and we didn't even know what it meant.
Back to my nephew, probably 3 years later, this couple now has a darling child and another on the way. They love each other dearly and have a sweet little family.
I know a temple wedding may seem like the right way to go. But it's not a guarantee. It won't make your marriage go more smoothly, even though I know many people who think it will (or thought it would, and are SO disillusioned when their marriage falls apart).
Don't be afraid to wait for the sealing. The temple will still be there in a year. But you can only get married once (hopefully). So many couples are afraid that if they don't get married in the temple that their marriage will miss out on blessings. But I've seen enough temple marriages dissolve into abusive situations almost immediately after the wedding that I can vouch for the fact that it
doesnt' make ANY difference. The things that will bless your marriage are love and consideration for each other's needs.
I left the church with my husband 5 years ago. We had our names removed from the church records last year, and along with that, all of our temple blessings were revoked. We didn't need the church or temple blessings to be happy together. We never did. And our marriage has only improved since leaving the church. We have a greater emotional intimacy now because we can talk about anything and we don't have to filter our feelings and thoughts according to church norms.
Sorry for the ramble. What I'm trying to say is that getting married in the temple may seem like an accomplishment. Or an insurance policy for your marriage. It may seem like right thing to do (because you have been taught that). But a temple marriage is a commitment to the church, almost more than to each other. Why not have a wedding day where you make vows to EACH OTHER. You've probably already made your promises to the church, and you can do that again in a year.
if you want to see the text of the marriage ceremony, try this link and scroll down about one page.
http://www.lds-mormon.com/veilworker/marriage.shtml
What ever you do, please be sensitive to your father's situation. You may end up marrying in the temple. I know it would be scary NOT to after all you have been taught. But try to at least understand the pain he would feel at missing your wedding, and do what you feel you can to ease it.
I hope you have a happy marriage either way.
Subject: This tugs at my heart
Date: Dec 29 05:38
Author: The Black Sheep
I'm a 21 year old woman who just was sealed to my husband in the temple in June.
He converted the previous June and my family openly disapproved of the relationship because not being a BIC
[born to a Mormon family] member made him not good enough for me in their eyes. They refused to attend any wedding we had outside the temple. We had a beautiful wedding on the beach in Hawaii without them. It was a gorgeous day and though I wish my family had been there, I'm glad we had the opportunity to have a stress free experience for our wedding. I got my flowers and dress and loud laughter :). I look on that day with fondness.
I cannot, however, say the same for the day that transcribed exactly one year later. My father, mother, and brother sat in the room with us that day. My husband's family stayed home and felt terribly insulted. Looking back, I don't blame them one bit. Our temple sealing was a confusing dreadful experience. I felt like a cow being herded from room to room wearing ridiculous clothing. There was no love in that room, only confusion. My mother held our 7 week old son over our hands and the Sealing Ceremony proceeded. I can never remember wanting to flee from a room more than I did at that moment. I wanted to take my baby in my arms and run from that temple and never return.
I am forever grateful that my husband and I were able to have a normal beautiful wedding the year before. I keep the pictures from that experience on my walls. The ones from the sealing are tucked into a drawer because I would rather not remember that day. My husband's family was unable to attend either event due to circumstances beyond their control. My family only attended the temple sealing, they chose not to be there for our marriage.
It sounds as if your parents love you very much. You are so lucky that you have them to look out for you. They want to be there for your special day. Doesn't it seem odd to you that an organization that outwardly says they promote the family would turn them away? It breaks my heart when I think of how my husbands family felt when we told them they could not attend. Imagine what it's doing to your parents.
It's not worth it.
Subject: Mormonism is the only culture I know of that bans certain family members from weddings
Date: Dec 02 02:22 2004
Author: Tuco
The ancient Jewish temple ceremonies are well documented and have been for thousands of years. Other than having a room called "Holy of Holies" and a veil, there is no
similarity of a Mormon temple to the temples or tabernacles in the bible.
This being the case, how can Mormons really justify that their temple marriages are more than just another
ceremony invented by Joseph Smith? Temple marriage has no historical trail in the bible at all.
Family members who don't live temple standards are punished by being banned from relatives temple weddings.
Mormonism is the only culture I know of that the church decides who's going to come to your wedding and who can't. It's really a sick system.
Subject: What's worse is that the grounds for declaring a person "unworthy" are based on such petty requirements.
Date: Dec 02 04:43
Author: Lester Latte
You can be banned from the wedding ceremony of a close family member for any of the following PETTY reasons:
(1) Having a glass of wine after dinner once a month.
(2) Refusing to pay 10% of your annual income to the church in whose building the wedding is held.
(3) Having a cup of coffee.
(4) And of course many other petty reasons that we all know about as ex-Mormons.
I mean when you think about it, the SHEER PETTINESS of the Mormon church policy on Temple weddings is so mind-boggling that it's hard to imagine that TBM family members fail to see how insulting, greedy and grasping it makes their beloved Church look. But then, by definition, TBMs are people whose minds have been so thoroughly boggled by Mormonism that they cannot appreciate the mind-boggling nature of this pettiness.
Subject: If you want to know about the Jewish temples then...
Date: Dec 02 05:54
Author: YukonCornelius
You have to read "The Temple-It's Ministry and Services" by Alfred Edersheim. It's out of print...as it's pretty old but you can read it at
http://www.piney.com/EdersheimTOC.html
.
You will find that there is little correlation between temples of old and LDS temples. Also, an interesting note is that James Talmage got a lot of his material from Edersheim's works.
Subject: It might be the most blatant official shunning done in any church.
Date: Dec 02 11:17
Author: Cheryl
Amish don't allow people to eat together with the fallen. JWs attempt to curb socializing with family who leave. But those cults don't have official paperwork to monitor and enforce the shunning, as the mormons do with their
Temple Recommends.
Subject: My two best friends from college invited me to their weddings & receptions...
Date: Dec 06 17:41
Author: On its ear
...knowing full well I couldn't go into the temple, yet they thought nothing of still sending the invitations.
I mean, why do that at all? If you know that you only want "worthy" people at your wedding, why send invitations to inactive or nonmember family and friends? Are you just looking to be superior or something?
That, to me, is so rude and inconsiderate. I didn't even go to the receptions of either friend. Why celebrate a wedding I wasn't WORTHY enough to attend?
Bullsh*t!
Subject: I'm cynical, but I'll tell you why they invited you.
Date: Dec 06 17:44
Author: Doxigrafix
On Its Ear said...
>>If you know that you only want "worthy" people at your wedding, why send invitations to inactive or nonmember family and friends? Are you just looking to be superior or something?<<
******************************************************
Sounds to me like they did it looking for wedding presents. Superior AND greedy.
Were it me I would not give them the time of day.
Subject: I think you may be right. But they probably also told themselves that they were
Date: Dec 15 00:20
Author: Ditto
"reaching out" to someone who had gone astray and that this was their noble effort to teach by example, with the example being their righteous temple wedding. That's probably what they thought. The reality was that they were deluded cult member going through a
freak show routine and calling it a wedding ceremony. It's almost a good thing to be excluded from the temple wedding ceremonies. They are so creepy that I think that non-believers would have a hard time not showing their disappointment and disgust at the tacky and creepy rituals and their embarrassment for their deluded TBM friends.
Subject: Too Harsh
Date: Dec 15 00:41
Author: Darwin Girl
Mail Address:
C'Mon .. If your friends or relatives didn't invite you you'd complain that they thought they were too good. So how can they win? If they invite you, you say they're greedy for gifts. If they don't invite you, you say they're shunning.
Too many of us were in that unfortunate position as TBMs. It's a tragic fact of being Mormon that your wedding day will probably separate you from some of those you love best. Important people in your life will not get to be present at the ceremony and there's not a DAMN thing you can do about it, short of holding a ring ceremony which my husband and I did for his family, or a separate civil service, which I've heard some TBMs do.
Last summer, I was invited to my cousin's temple wedding. I flew out to Utah, attended the reception, gave them a gift, and thanked them for inviting me. They thanked me for coming. It was a nice family gathering, and I bear no ill will since it was my CHOICE to leave the Church, and their CHOICE to get married in the temple, as all righteous Mormons want to do.
Subject: Mormonism breeds co-dependency
Date: Dec 15 11:51
Author: Darwin Girl
Because you have this big, bad enforcer: the BRETHREN, the PRIESTHOOD, and the temple worthiness interview that pries into
-- your private sexual behavior
-- private relationships with those who might disagree with the church
-- private financial affairs (your donations must be at least 10% of your income, or they're CRAP)
You have a church that places UNLIMITED demands on your time, your devotion, and your LOYALTY ... What's left of the individual? You're reduced to a pawn, and promised future glory. You develop a small attitude that judges others for minor sins (hey, if I'd be judged harsly for drinking that coffee, I'd better shun all others who drink it).
And ultimately, you see God, the world, and everything in this universe as a warped extension of Joseph Smith's restored POWER of the Priesthood. There is no room in this worldview for even the transforming power of Grace. What good is Jesus if a cup of coffee can keep you out of the Celestial Kingdom?
Subject: Bad behavior
Date: Dec 15 14:52
Author: Darwin Girl
People shouldn't have to just overlook bad behavior. If they want to have a relationship, they need to be honest with their feelings and TELL the person how it made them feel:
Nonmember: I felt really hurt that I couldn't attend your temple ceremony, especially after flying all the way out here. It made me feel like a second-class citizen.
TBM: I know, I felt bad, too. I wish the rules were different. I'm sure it doesn't seem fair.
Nonmember: Why do you suppose a church that is about Jesus Christ and uniting families would tell its members to exclude loved ones from temple ceremonies? Doesn't that seem contradictory?
TBM: Well, it's all about the sacredness of the temple ceremony ... blah, blah, blah.
(And while ultimately, you will not have changed one single thing, at least you will have gotten it off your chest.)
Subject: I think that you can only be hurt by these people if you keep expecting them to change (and that's not going to happen).
Date: Dec 15 14:56
Author: On its ear
From what I've seen in what they do, they closest they get to feeling anything for the people they reject with their practices is to pity them. "Oh, I feel so sorry for so-and-so who doesn't have the gospel in their lives, to be with me here in the temple for my wedding." It's infuriating because it's so invalidating, and they are oblivious to how their attitude is very unqualified.
I think that's why I am no longer close friends with the TBMs I used to know. I know how they see me or how they were taught to see me. I don't see myself the same way at all. I know that I don't deserve to be mistrusted and discounted. Yeah, I picked up my marbles and went home.
Subject: But, that's what is so sad...
Date: Dec 15 12:07
Author: On its ear
Neither of these friends seemed remorseful at all that both friends and family were excluded. That was part and parcel of their belief supposedly; I am thinking about that now going, "Did they really understand what they were doing and the message they were sending?" I don't think they did. Or, they did, but they didn't care. Eternal life and eternal marriage and eternal babymaking were at stake!! Um, yeah, right...
My one friend invited her family who were nevermos. And, yeah, they protested when they heard they wouldn't see the actual ceremony. They refused to attend. Both parties were standing on either side of the issue looking at each other as if, "How could you do that????!!!"
Our culture is such that weddings are an event in life that you share with your people. And, still, some people choose to elope. Some people choose to get married in temples. The eloping option is usually for people who can't find family and friends to care enough or are able to come or agree with the wedding. So why not elope? But with the subculture of Mormons, the exclusion exists because, even though the friends and family are caring and supportive and able to attend, they just aren't "worthy" and they should just accept that label according to the dictates of Mormon doctrine.
Subject: Re: But, that's what is so sad...
Date: Dec 15 12:19
Author: Darwin Girl
I know what you mean about being "judged" as unworthy. That's what I was getting at in my "codependency" post. An individual member's dependency on the church breeds judgmentalism and insensitivity to the "bigger picture" of human reality. They just can't THINK outside the box. The Church does the thinking for them, and it's over.
I can't define all TBMs as pure victims. Some are insensitive jerks and would be regardless of their religion. But it's a fact of life that if you're trying to be a devout Mormon, 9 times out of 10 you're going to want to associate MAINLY with other devout Mormons, and that means unintentionally (or intentionally) shunning people who are OUTSIDERS according to church standards.
What's even worse is the pressure to evangelize your nonmember friends and neighbors. First you judge them, then you try to convert them. It's a wicked cycle.
Of course, not all Mormons are even like this. But I know what the Church did to my BRAIN. It's taken 18 months just to purge some of the nonsense. I'm still workin' on it ...
Subject: TBM's don't expect that many people at their weddings.
Date: Dec 15 00:50
Author: Lara C
How could they? Whoever goes has to have been through the temple. That fact alone usually excludes everyone not married or off a mission. Plus, the rooms are not that large.
Mormon weddings are all about the reception, for a large part. The wedding is a very exclusive ritual.
I'm not saying it's right--far from it--I'm just saying, when TBM's send out wedding invites, the select few who attend the temple wedding are usually invited with a special "card" that is tucked inside the regular invitation. Unfortunately, those who get the "card" need to have another "card" to get it. What a racket.
Subject: Yes, that's the way it is
Date: Dec 15 01:10
Author: Darwin Girl
Mormon weddings ARE really about the reception since even worthy brothers and sisters are left out of the ceremony if they are too young or haven't been endowed.
For instance, a few years ago a 20-year-old friend of mine was saddened because she couldn't attend her brother's temple wedding ceremony. She kept all the commandments of the Church, attended church every week, remained "morally" clean, served in church callings, performed baptisms for the dead INSIDE the temple. But because she had never been through the endowment ceremony she could not attend the wedding.
It's mind-boggling that I didn't question how a church that claims to be the "Church of Jesus Christ" could do something like that to someone as good as her.
It's weird what we justify when we're in the Mo-Cult.
Subject: Re: Mormonism is the only culture I know of that bans certain family members from weddings
Date: Dec 15 11:01
Author: Boltneck
My daughter got married in the temple. I attended as did my wife....but my 17 year old daughter had to wait outside. I was deeply bothered by the fact that a religion that talks so much about family precluded all family members from participating. The whole time I was in the
temple I knew it was wrong for my daughter to be waiting outside.
Subject: There's a simple solution that the church refuses to consider...
Date: Dec 15 11:36
Author: Stupid!
-- Allow members to have a nice CIVIL wedding FIRST, then (perhaps the next day) go to the temple for the sealing --
That solves everything except for the church's BIG EGO: It's "US FIRST" and "WE'RE THE REAL WEDDING" and "YOU'D LESSEN THE TEMPLE EXPERIENCE"
Oh Yes...Consider all the TITHING MONEY LOST from those members who would otherwise have to raise some funds just to see the temple wedding!
It happens every day.
Subject: the solution you suggest DOES occur in certain countries where religious weddings are not legally valid
Date: Dec 15 11:46
Author: PtLoma
M
Quite a few European countries, such as Britain, France, and Germany, do not recognize religious weddings as being legally valid. Couples are required to have a civil wedding first, and then they may choose to have a religious ceremony for their own edification afterward. This applies not only to LDS but to Catholics and Protestants as well (and Jews and Muslims...).
I've attended two weddings in Germany (one Catholic, one Lutheran) in which the couple went to town hall on a weekday for the civil wedding, followed by a church wedding on Saturday.
In these countries, the laws force the LDS Church to allow temple marriage shortly after a civil wedding, as you suggested in your post. Their temple sealers lack the legal authority to marry anyone (nor do Catholic or Protestant clergy).
In the US, where states grant religious authorities the right to marry couples after issuance of a marriage license, the LDS Church flexes its muscles and requires a one year wait between a civil marriage and a temple sealing. This forces even temple-worthy couples who might want a non-temple wedding as a means of including everyone (example: a convert who wishes to include her parents) to choose between waiting a year and an immediate temple wedding...not to mention enduring the gossip and rumors that arise when someone is not married in the temple and forced to wait.
Subject: Two loopholes exist for American TBMs
Date: Dec 15 14:47
Author: PtLoma
1. The one year waiting period between civil/chapel wedding and temple wedding is shortened if one or both members of the couple could not be temple married at the time of the civil wedding due to issues relating to length of membership for converts (this does not apply to couples where both are BIC). Suppose Molly converts to LDS, pays a tithe, etc. beginning in January 2004. Then she marries Peter Priesthood in July 2004. She did not have one year of membership to qualify for a temple recommend, so they are married in a chapel. In this case, where there are no transgressions, the couple may marry in the temple as soon as Molly receives a TR (Jan 2005). This exception applies only when the couple was not eligible for temple marriage due to recent conversion and less than a year's membership for one or both members.
2. The second exception is dying out but technically is still on the books. It was more applicable where there were few temples and a temple marriage involved a long journey to the temple. If the trip to the temple involves an overnight journey (e.g. by car, not by airplane), the temple-worthy couple is allowed to marry civilly so that they are legally married on their overnight trip to the temple, the assumption being that they can't be trusted to get separate motel rooms and stay chaste on their trip to the temple. This model assumes that the couple may well have consummated their sexual relationship between the civil marriage and the temple ceremony. I learned about this one from reading a TBM bulletin board in which a Utah convert boasted about being able to include all her family by having a civil ceremony followed by a sealing in the San Diego Temple. Since they were travelling to San Diego by car, it would involved an overnight trip and she was allowed a same-week civil ceremony--that all could attend--just before the temple wedding. Even with the increasing number of temples, this ploy could still work as long as the couple chooses a distant temple. I have to hand it to the woman who posted it---she did her best to include her family and also follow her new LDS dictates.
Subject: Re: Two loopholes exist for American TBMs
Date: Dec 15 15:06
Author: Darwin Girl
Mail Address:
Thanks for sharing, PtLoma. That is so smart. I'm sorry I didn't know about that when we got married. Our trip to the temple included an overnight stay (at a relative's house, separate bedrooms).
I've also heard about people doing a civil ceremony AFTER the temple wedding. Do you know if that would be possible?
Thanks again.
Subject: Reminds me of my conversations with my wife's bishop
Date: Dec 15 13:20
Author: Bach
He tried explaining this "temple exclusion" thing to me once and started out by saying:
"First off Bach, I can imagine how you could feel like this sacred ordinance may at first seem hard to understand, but let me explain..."
I immediately cut him off and asked the following:
"If my son had a birthday party and invited your children, how would you react if you found out we asked your children to wait outside while the rest of the kids sang 'happy birthday' and blew out the candles? Then we kept the birthday presents they brought over?
Now Mr. Bishop, can you imagine how I feel about this?"
See also the following topics about Mormon Temple Experiences:
Recovery from Mormonism - The Mormon Church
www.exmormon.org