In the last 8 years I've been involved with seven mormon funerals all of which were done in full blown mormon style. A brutally long viewing the night before, then another viewing the next morning that is supposed to be for family only. Then the closing of the lid and a funeral style sacrament meeting in the chapel. Following a trip to the cemetery for the actual burial is a ward dinner back at t
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I started the day with a steaming cup of Folgers, gawd I love that stuff. Then I checked my emails and guess what? The attorney who handles resignations had sent me an email stating that I was no longer a mormon. Attached was a one sentence statement from the mighty morg that said my name has been removed from their records. I am officially a non-member now! If anyone wants to come over, I'll pu
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWwUJH70ubM
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Being an active mormon is like someone farting on a crowded bus. There are lots of people all trying go someplace and somebody decided that they need to share a "message" with the group. Being an active mormon is like my neighbor who had a rusty car and painted it so it looks a lot better and is trying to sell it without disclosing any of the defects. Being an active mormon is li
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I've never been too concerned about the Easter Bunny, but I know for a fact that Santa Claus does indeed exist. I've seen him with my own two eye, I've sat on his lap, I've told him what I wanted and sometimes he obliged me.
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I applaud themaster and I too can truthfully say that I haven't madturbated since last Thursday morning when I woke up to a magnificent glorious woody that I just couldn't ignore. As for the going back to church part, naw, I'll keep my church handshakes to myself.
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He left a cell number in the bathroom if anyone needs it.
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My number was 206 and it was a certainty that I would go. Every day I would check the mailbox to see if a draft notice or mission call showed up first. I'm not proud of it, but then every kid went on a mission. The mission call came and I was deferred for 2 years. By then the war was winding down.
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I'm a grown man but stories like this seem to weaken my knees a little bit. Give one puppy to your bishop and tell him that since your household had increased you were donating a generous contribution as gawd commanded.
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Thank you for asking this question that I too have wondered about for half a century. Since I no longer identify myself with the mighty morg I figgered I had placed this label upon myself, but wasn't absolutely sure. Not that it matters to me now, but I always wondered. Perhaps St. Peter will explain it to me as he points a bony finger down a dark path to the left.
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It seems that I was taught that denying the holey ghost was the number one sin, then murder, then looking at porn while spanking your monkey. Boinking someone you aren't married to would be number 4 or 5, and not paying tithing is also a very serious sin. Now, since I'm a free man from church influences, I don't think it's possible for me to sin at all. However, I can commit offenses against m
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How do I tell if a prophet is speaking for gawd or speaking as a man?
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I remember back in the day, 80's?, when food storage was a hot topic and often talked about in Elder's Quorum meetings. Guns & ammunition was also preached as a way to "harvest" animals for food and with an undertone, to protect your food storage from thieves. Of course, this was also around the time when the three Nephites were hitchhiking around and warning those who gave them rid
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I'm out of Bird Dog Whiskey, my last lime has shriveled up, and I'm not in the mood for peach moonshine. That leaves straight tequila or beer. Jesus, what should it be tonight?
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I'm all for getting off and getting paid for it, but what if I'm not married?
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Didn't Jesus seek the company of prostitutes? I wonder what my Bishop would have thought about me had he seen me hanging with some hot tail who was known to trade pleasure for coin.
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A co-worker goes to Mesquite to gamble about 3-4 times a year. When he returns he always tells me that he won an X amount of money but he never says how much he lost in order to win. I suspect that the mighty morg had the same methodology and doesn't tell how many it has lost, only how many it has gained.
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I'm sorry to have to say this badassadam, but can you come in to have a chat with the Bishop next Tuesday evening at 6:15? Yeah, you have infracted a serious sin and will surely be put on toilet detail for the next 5 months. Also, no sacrament until the Bishop has cleared you and forget about saying a prayer in church or passing the sacrament. The Stake President will want to see you too, and pro
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I wouldn't go back to church even if they offered Chardonnay wine instead of water for the sacrament. I wouldn't go back to church even if the three hour block was changed to 5 minutes. I wouldn't go back to church even if my dog could burp bubbles and sing Popcorn Popping on the Apricot Tree in Pig Latin.
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I wonder if this story is true or is one of those made up stories about a fantasy family who is "the mother of a friend of mine" stories that the mighty morg is famous for using, especially Monson.
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This might do? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9afnbgx-Po .
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I had an Elder's Quorum President who was selling Amway (years ago) and when I wouldn't but into it he angrily berated me and said I would always be a poor man. I asked him to look me up when he was a rich man and I would humbly buy him a steak dinner. Remember Miracle Maid pot & pans? Yeah, a good friend wanted me to join that one. There was one about household soap but I don't remembe
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mormons have code word or phrases that they can use such as; Do you have a calling? What ward are you in? Did you watch conference? My Home Teacher told me. Did you like Fast Meeting? A non-mormon could say, "are you still active?" or "how long have you been out?" I like the idea of a code word, but then I liked Mad Magazine's spy vs spy too. I favored the black spy.
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All hail Punxsutawney Phil, I'm a believer and looking for a "donate now" button.
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What if one fine day the mormon prophet revelated a change in tithing? Scriptures dictate a 10% number that is to be paid, but a new revelation could offer a tithing refund to those who meet certain "activity" requirements. What if the Holey Ghost was real and could give advice to a person who was humble enough to ask it? "Which stock option should I buy?, which car will be a go
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Does this lawn have a name? If so I can submit it to the nearest Temple and have it placed into the magic prayer bag. Maybe we can bring it back to life? Has it a name? It has. Will you give it to me? /can't remember the rest.
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Ever since I left the morgish lifestyle, I have become more "pro-Jesus" than I was as a true believer. I say "Jesus" all the time now and it seems fitting. For example when I pinched my finger with a tree lopper, I said "Jesus" about 12 times. When I get my electric bill, again I say "Jesus". Gawd knows what's in my heart and Jesus is just alright by me.
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I don't know about Fast & Testimoany meetings, but here is an interesting statistic: According to the 2016 School of Sphincter Study, 5 out of 7 members of the mighty morg are envious of those who are nonmembers. I didn't just pull this out of, well, I think I read it somewhere on the web, but I can't remember where.
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Apostate love, it's a beautiful thing.
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I too live in a strong mormon area and had a chance meeting with a person I knew from a previous ward. We greeting one another and he asked what callings I currently had. I told him I didn't have any and I hadn't been to church for a few years. He looked surprised and asked why. I told him I had graduated and there was no need for further education there. It was awkward for him, but I kinda got a
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