"Are you happier since you've left the church?"

Mormoney May 2013

First of all, what kind of a question is this, and what relevance does it have? I was asked this by a missionary who randomly knocked on my door and I informed them that I am an exmormon and have resigned my membership. We discussed some doctrinal issues. At one point he asked if I was happier being out of the church, as if to imply that if I felt less happy, it was a result of rejecting the "truth" and no longer having the "spirit".

My reply was that I felt liberated. Happiness to me is entirely irrelevant.

Hey, if I'm having a sh!t day, I'm having a sh!t day! Sometimes I'm fucking miserable. What the fuck does that have to do with me believing a pedophile, adulterer, con-man, narcissist talked with some finite being he called god?

Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"

LOL, maybe he asked that because he secretly wants to leave too! On the other hand, I agree that happiness doesn't always correlate with church membership. The belief that ex-mormons can't be happy without the church is ridiculous. For me, I found happiness in feeling liberated, but I still have my hard days. Tough times are simply part of life.

Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"
I would have said Hell yes and shut the door...

I know I'm happier.

But I'd tell that uninvited fanatical stranger at the door to stop asking personal questions and mind his business.

Happy is an emotion, not a state of being
I am more content and less stressed. I feel freer to be myself and not live some canned existence. If you want to call that happiness, then definitely.


What they don't GET, is that being in or out of the church
doesn't automatically make you happy or unhappy.

But I gotta say, that it feels good to be in charge of my own life, and NOT to be trying to measure up to the ridiculous requirements of a micromanaging invisible being, trying to earn the right to be in His apparently fabulous presence and to be with the people who I love for all eternity.

After death ;-)


Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"
I'm a lot happier, and I'll try to explain this. When I was a Mormon, I never felt I could do enough, never felt good enough, and I felt stressed because of all the things I was expected to do; I always had a calling, every Sunday I taught a class. It started on Monday because all week I was working on a lesson, and there were always extra things to do during the week like visiting teaching, going to the temple, taking kids to their activities, etc., but Sunday was the most stressful day of the week for me. I had to make sure all the kids were bathed, hair fixed, dressed nicely, and then I had myself to get ready! Then, after the 4 hours (including driving to and from) I seemed to always have our biggest dinner on Sunday, and by the time I got the dishes cleaned up, I was exhausted.

Since leaving the church, my relationship with my husband is so much better, we are so much closer; I am more relaxed, I don't worry about so many things I used to be concerned about; I can have fun with him and enjoy myself in ways I never could have when I was a Mormon. I can honestly say, I love being able to relax and do what I want on Sunday. Our kids are married and on their own now, and my husband likes to attend a Sunday school class at a Presbyterian church, and I'm so glad he does because he has a group that he enjoys being with and he's more social than I am. Myself, I LOVE having at least part of this day to myself! I meditate and just do what I want.

Also I used to be so full of "guilt". I don't have that anymore. It's like a huge load came off my shoulders when I resigned, even though I've lost some of my family. But,it's been almost 8 years, and they are starting to be more friendly to me now. Maybe it just takes time. I love them all, and I am still basically the same person. I think they can see that I am happy. It doesn't mean that I don't feel sad, experience loss and disappointment, etc., but the way I feel now was something I never experienced when I was a Mormon.

So, the answer to your question is "definitely yes!"

Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"

When I first left the Morg I was much happier. I had been struggling with the cog dis for so long, it was incredibly liberating to just believe what is true and self-evident, rather than always having to trick my mind into believing what I suspected deep down inside was false.

However, last week, I told my parents that I don't believe in Mormonism anymore. Its been pretty rough since then. In short, yes life is certainly better without the Morg, BUT the Morg has a way of messing up people's lives pretty good, even when they're no longer members.

Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"
Absolutely I'm happier. That's not to say that I don't sometimes have bad days, but my life is so much better without the church. Ironically, my life immediately felt more wonderful and even spiritual when I no longer had to filter everything through the lens of Mormonism.

wine country girl
Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"

I am. I totally am. Most of the time. Liberation? Freedom? Hell yes. I've had rough times, but having them behind me now, I see my place in the Universe and I am happy and content. And I'm much more thankful for what I have; my son and daughters, my friends, my family....I'm overwhelmed at how good I have it. And though my future is uncertain, I have faith that everything will be alright in the end. As Sonny says (from The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel) "Everything will be all right in the end... if it's not all right then it's not yet the end."

Cali Sally
Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"

Oh, I am SOOOO much happier as well as wealthier. But LDS, Inc. is expert at mind games and just replies, "You only THINK you are happier because apostasy cannot bring lasting joy." Then I remember some stupid lesson about happiness being different from the pure joy of Christ, whatever the heck that is supposed to mean. I guess it is supposed to mean that if you are miserable as a Mormon and happy when you leave (Mormon speak for sin) then you are just confused.

I'll take real happy over LDS happy any day. They sure are good at mucking (change the m) with your mind. Joseph Smith was a master mind mucker.

Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"

Healthier, wealthier, and wiser.

Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"

Yes, yes, a hundred times yes. When I officially left I met with the bishop and told him how much happier I was since I did not attend any more. He said "that just doesn't make sense." At least twice. He was a nice guy. I hope he figures it out.

Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"

Yes. Much happier.

Just browsing
Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"

Happiness is based on events and people --Sometimes good things happen and sometimes crap happens. But as far as contentment is concerned, it gives a whole new meaning to "The Peaceful Life"


Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"

You will feel happier if you truly believe that "truth" is more important than anything else, regardless of the outcome.

There are many stages of the acceptance of truth...but most will not get there because of laziness or they are simply mentally retarded (I don't mean that in a bad way).

Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"

Much, much, much, much, much, much, much happier.

So much happier.

Anon today
Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"

Still pissed. What a waste of a life.

Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"

Liberated, Free, and Happy with down day's just like most. In fact I almost feel guilty when I am around my TBM Relatives because they don't understand how that can be possible without the Mormon Gospel and hard work.

Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"
What about asking the same question to members that feel miserable for any reason? Lets say; not having enough money, the death of a dear one, divorce, a drug addict in the family. I have seen all of this within active members.
If they believe they are following the "rules" they will believe the blessinga to be a result of their obedience and any sad times are a trial. A test.

By the way. Other humans will believe the same according to their faith. Christians, muslims or any other.

Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"


Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"

I agree with your answer. The church had/has nothing to do with my happiness. But I feel free.

Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"
I don't fear near as guilty or ashamed anymore. Part of my PTSD was that I kept reliving minor events in my life where I felt I had not been perfect enough. I don't relive those things anymore.

On the other hand, I have a whole list of major tragedies, but at least flashing back about those isn't as stupid.

Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"

My unhappiness is the same as the ones I had while I was TBM. Work stress, bills, and taxes etc...

I have a new happiness in which has to do with discoverying an enormous amount of truth. I no longer stress over weather I will be worthy to live with god or locked out. I don't worry as much about my wife drinking coffee or burning in hell for not teaching my kids the LDS philosphy.

I actually enjoy a good beer, margarita, and shot.

Do I want life to carry on in a very nice place? Sure. It would be nice. I don't know if I would get board or irritated with family members and friends there. However, my research has lead me to believe all religion is man made. I am objective to receive other evidence. But in short, I enjoy all the simple things in life and I hope that a tornado or meteor doesn't end my life too soon.

The Oncoming Storm - bc

Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"

I care much less about whether I am happy since leaving the church. In the church I was taught it was supposed to make me happy - now there is not pressure to be happy and I don't worry about it much.

Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"

Humans are primates with an enormous emotional capacity. We will go through our ups and downs...that is part of the beauty of being alive! We are supposed to help each other to overcome these challenges...that is how we evolved.

Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"
yes - contented and not worried. The church makes everything crappy. This is a link to the thread I posted about the deseret book survey I took concerning this very topic:


Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"

Content and at peace. Ya, that would equal a kind of happiness!
Released, freedom. That works too.

Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"
Forbiddencokedrinker, I have PTSD, too, and I love your comments!!! You hit the nail on the head. I worried about little things that weren't worth caring about.

Not going into Mormon church buildings, not associating with rude, judgmental Mormons, not repeating the same routine Sunday after Sunday with no hope of escape for all eternity, not being force-married eternally to a wife-beater--all of this eliminated 90% of my flashbacks and nightmares.

Even my worst day at work was more productive and satisfying, and less draining than Sunday. I dreaded Sundays. My children would disappear, to ditch out of church, and I would sit alone in the back.

No matter how hard the Mormons try to make me miserable, I am much happier. My "Sunday depression" left immediately. My relationship with my children flourished, when I finally stopped forcing them to go to church, and we all resigned together.

Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"

"I've got 10% more money than I had before, plus my weekends are free."

That's how I'd answer the question if a missionary asked me that.
It doesn't answer the question, but it would make him/her think.

Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"

A thousand times yes!

Re: "Are you happier since you've left the church?"
Life is more complicated and in some ways harder since I left the church. Why? Because I have woken up to reality. There are fewer easy answers and I also have to deal with the family strain.

That said, I am still happier than I used to be, despite the added stress and having to face reality because I have a sense of conrol over my own life. And that feels amazing!

"Recovery from Mormonism - www.exmormon.org"