Currently serving missionary, want out!!
BuriedEgo May 2013
So I'm completely breaking the rules by even reading this site but I have an iPod touch and no one needs to know. I am currently serving a mission, like I'm in the field right now. I have been out a year and have found I can't wait till its over so I can go home and start a new life, without the church. I find it hard to believe any of the crap I'm supposed to be teaching. I came on my mission mostly out if the old "Mormon guilt" trick for putting my parents through hell as a teenager.
I came in my mission 2 years late. I can't just up and leave the mission, it would destroy my parents And tbm or not I love them dearly. How can I get out? It's like a labyrinth with no exit until you've wandered aimlessly for two years.
notsurewhattothink
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
I'll be honest with you, I'd be so out of the mission field if I knew it was a crock. I used to fall for guilt trips too but I ended up giving the finger and walking out (of the church that is).
Where you serving? The mission is such a great place to have a lot of "fun" the wrong way.
You can get sent home because of an illness, or you can pressure you mission president in sending you home because you're not doing too well emotionally. If you leave early though, unless you have an obvious disfigurement, you're going to catch hell for it. I have Tourettes and Diabetes and almost died on my mission twice because my companions were pushing too hard to stay out all day, and since we didn't have much money ($200 a month in Japan), I had to run on instant noodles most of the time, and was severely malnourished, etc, you get the idea. ANyway, I wanted to go stateside but my mother absolutely refused and gave the mission president hell for considering sending me home, etc. So, if you just go home, even if the reason is legit, you're going to get a bad rep. My mom risked my life by insisting I stay out there.
.
Mormon Observer
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
I lived for nearly 20 years in a hell hole. I was raising my children by myself because my husband worked so far away he was only home on weekends.
The Mormon wards in the town of 600 all had their own circles of adult support and friendship and I was not part of them.
I had no companions, just my dear little children.
On those lonely days when the desert sun was burning hot outside and it was warm inside even with the swamp cooler I'd go to my favorite place.
I'd make brownies for the afternoon treat, or cook supper, or read to my kids, bathe them, nurture them etc.
Where I went was up my favorite trail in my mind. I'd packed my bags and gone to Alaska. Everyone could be asking for more potatoes around me and I was overlooking a mountain cliff in a bowl shaped valley watching five waterfalls poor into the stream below.
Or I was watching the eagles feeding their young in the tree top in front of my house.
Or I was riding my bike up Calhoun avenue again to visit friends up town.
Or sitting under the porch on a rainy afternoon reading comic books...or in the tree house listening to the rain...
You still go through the motions but you are somewhere else. That place is yours and they can't touch you.
It even works when the bully is insulting you and you smile because you remember when you got an award for outstanding work well done that they know nothing of. You don't have to mention it, just own it inside. Nothing they say can take your reward.
You can even smile now, because as they yammer you can say to yourself "I've got my whole life ahead and I don't have to be active Mormon much longer!"
(and you do you poor thing)
sherlock
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
I served with one or two and knew a few more missionaries who didn't really want to be there - and looking back, some were almost certainly struggling with teaching something they didn't believe.
All stuck it out to the end and somehow managed to still make the most of things in terms of gaining a cultural experience, building friendships and providing some meaningful service.
Teaching and testifying would no doubt have been very challenging, so if they were with uber-righteous companions they just let them do most of the talking in those situations.
shannon
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
((((HUGS)))) darlin'. You've got a lot of sorting out to do. We're here for you while you work through this.
Congratulations on figuring it all out. Your life will get much better on the other side of the church. You simply need to plan a careful exit strategy (during or after your mission). Take the time you need to get your ducks in a row and plan your escape.
AND FER GAWD'S SAKE, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO LEAVE THE CULT . . . DO NOT GET MARRIED IN THE TEMPLE TO SOME HOT MORMON CHICK WHEN YOU GET HOME!!!!! That'll keep you in for another 20 years, minimum.
;o)
tig
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
Where are you, perhaps some of us can help. You don't need to be specific...a country or a state is probably sufficient. If you came out two years late that made you either 20 or 21 at departure. With one years time you are probably either 21 or 22 now. What follows is just my $.02. Congratulations on figuring it out early. Wish I had. Still, missions can be fun if you are in the right frame of mind. If you can't continue, then it is time to be your own person. If you can't do that at 21 or 22 at the risk of hurting your parents, what makes you think that will be easier in a year when you are an RM? What about when you are married in the temple because you don't want to hurt them by not being? What about when your first kid is 7 and facing baptism...do you think it will be easier then?
One of the terrible "truths" of Mormonism is that your family is held hostage, and the ransom is doing what is expected of you. The decision that you face is to either continue to pay, in some cases quite literally, as you have your whole life or to make a break. You are in a sunken costs fallacy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunk_costs Trust me, I've been there. It doesn't get easier to get out. It just gets harder.
hikergrl
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
Sage advice. I didn't go on a mission, but I did do four years at BYU out of parental and finacial pressure. Sometimes life just sucks! Learn to rock your circumstances!
“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them.” – George Bernard Shaw
Whatever you choose, I wish you the best!
anagrammy
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
My heart goes out to you for your service, Mormon Observer.
There are many ways of being trapped in Mormonism, missionary service being one of the worst.
By managing your mental state, as suggested, you can give yourself an alternate place to "go." You can also learn to meditate and it is truly amazing what the human mind can do to manage pain, isolation, etc.
Change your paradigm by choosing new heroes-- those who withstood years of imprisonment in Iran, for example, like Terry Anderson, who was freed in 1991 after
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/hostage-terry-anderson-freed-... for 6-1/2 years in an underground basement prison.
You have access to the internet, so forget about the Church presidents and start reading the bios of people in captivity, like yourself.
I recognize and admire your loyalty and love for your mother. You want her to have the status symbol, the corsage, of pride that she can point to as proof that she did a good job--that her son served an honorable mission.
Inside your heart, you know as so many do that your health and welfare is secondary to her having that kudo for all those years of work raising you. Forgive her, she's brainwashed. In her honor, give her something real by saving a mother from losing her freedom and teaching her children that a cult comes before their own flesh and blood.
Next time you are teaching a mother, be sure and tell her that God loves her whether or not she becomes Mormon and he approves of her as she serves the needs of her family. Tell her she should always PUT HER FAMILY FIRST, even if it means skipping her tithing. Tell her God knows her heart and has condemned anyone who hurts children (by taking their food money as tithing, for example).
You will be able to express these ideas in such a way that they do not violate any Mormon rules for missionaries, since the Mormon gospel is a porridge of contradictions anyway.
Assuming you are getting enough food and rest, use your intellect to do "secret" good while you are out in the mission field, and you adopt real heros instead of Mormon hypocrites, you will come out of it a stronger person with integrity in tact.
If you are not getting enough to eat and enough time to sleep, then tell the mission president you are hallucinating and must have more rest or you will have to do what the voices tell you. Refuse to tell you what they are saying lest they take it as a threat. Say it's just too awful to share and ask for their understanding that you are ashamed to even have such ideas in your head. Wipe your brow and make sure to roll your eyes.
I say this because (unfortunately) you can do more harm to his image and the church's image if you go bat-@#$%& crazy than if you die quietly of malnutrition.
They do not get to ruin your health for the rest of your life like they did to Raptor Jesus.
If you go into survival mode and still, because of the horrific circumstances, or your own mental state, you can't bear it, then your mother will have to forgo the corsage and be content that she has a son who is a good person.
For most women, that is enough. It may have to do for old momsy, but only you can be the judge of that.
Thanks for letting us know what's going on with you and welcome to the real world.
Hugs
Anagrammy
hikergrl
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
Don't you think it's a lot easier to leave when you're financially independent?
thederz
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
Hey man. I entered the MTC last year at the end of May. I would have been out a year right now too if I stayed. Anyway, I was in a different situation because I knew my parents wouldn't really care. They are mormons but both converts.
It was still really hard to come home early. I felt like I let a lot of people down. You won't realize you had nothing to worry about until you make the decision to come home though. The ugliest sides of the church are exposed when you do something like come home early and that only makes it easier to leave.
I left because I could tell the experience was taking a toll on not only my emotional, but physical health. If it gets that bad I'd just leave. If you don't want to talk to your mission president just save your money for a while and then steal the mission car and buy your own ticket home. You don't get in trouble, trust me. lol
Finally Free!
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
You have discovered the purpose of a mission. To get you stuck in a place with no support, no way easy out, while surrounded by nothing but the church. It's why they want young people, it's a way to get them reliant on the church.
I know it's small consolation, but really, congratulations on figuring things out at your age, I wish I had.
You now are faced with two choices:
1. Stay, but try to do things on your own terms... This basically means doing just enough to stay out of trouble with your companions (it doesn't matter what the AP's want or the MP wants, you have to live with your companion, that's the only guy that matters really) while trying to not do anything that you don't want to. It's a fine line to walk and "they" can make your life miserable for your remaining year. But, if you are in a good location, you can see the sights, learn another culture, and do what you can to make it work.
2. Go home. Your life is miserable now, rip the band aid off and go home. The real question for you, is would it be easier for your parents to hear that you don't believe in the church now, or wait till you get home, after having spent $400+ a month (I don't know what the current going rate is) for the next year.
I won't lie, it's not an easy decision. If you can work out a medical leave (depression, anxiety, some physical problem), that gives your parents an out when they talk to people a the the church and it won't ostracize them quite as much.
But, here's the key thing to remember. It's your life. You aren't living your parents life, you are living your life. Your parents may or may not be hurt if you leave your mission now, or if you leave the church when you get home. You can't control how they feel, you can only control what you do and do your best to life your life with integrity. You have to make choices that are right for you. Not your parents. It's hard to see that sometimes, especially with how being raised in the church twists our view of how things should work.
Whatever you decide, hopefully you can at least read here from time to time and maybe post so that you can get some support and help. Remember that you are not alone, you are not the first Missionary that has posted here and I doubt you'll be the last. You will survive one way or the other and you will be OK, things may not be easy, but you can and will make it through.
Alpiner
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
You love your parents, despite their influence on you leaving on a mission. That speaks well of your character. You should ask yourself, though -- won't your eventual departure from the church crush them in one way or another? What's to be gained by sticking it out?
Go home. As somebody upthread mentioned, if you name a state or county (nothing specific), you'll have a good support group able to help you out when you return.
Independence can be had very cheaply, and it's worth every penny. If you left late, you probably have a few years of college or military service under your belt, which could be beneficial.
saviorself
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
Consider yourself fortunate to have figured out that the church is a fraud. Continuing to recruit more victims into the fraud makes no rational or moral sense.
Because of the way that the Mormon church operates, it is expected that children born to Mormon parents will have no choice about how they will live their life. Parents believe that their child must follow the teachings of the church and become another lifelong member.
If you ever choose to leave the church your parents will be heart broken. It matters not whether you are coming home early from a mission or leaving at some later time, the affect on your parents will be the same. It will never get any easier for them.
This is a problem that you didn't create and that you can't fix. Once an intelligent person (namely you) determines that Mormonism is a scam, there is no rational choice other than to resign and leave it behind.
If you do your genealogy work you should be able to determine the identity of the first Mormon in your family tree. To become a Mormon that person had to abandon the religion of his/her parents. If that event had not happened then you would not be a Mormon today.
So there is a precedent in your family for abandoning the religion of one’s parents. Of course the Mormons want to ignore that simple fact. They want to enforce the rule that conversion to Mormonism is a one-way street.
When you quit the religion of your parents, you are simply undoing the bad choice that the first Mormon in your family made. Just as that person chose to exercise his/her religious freedom and join the Mormon church you are choosing to exercise your religious freedom and exit Mormonism.
Thanks to the Internet, the information that exposes the Mormon Church as a fraud is readily available to anyone who has Internet access and knows how to do a Google search. A person who will not spend the time to carefully study the history of Mormonism is being willfully ignorant.
You have no duty to abandon your religious freedom and remain in the same church as your parents. The fact that they are choosing willful ignorance does not obligate you to do the same. The fact that they will be heart broken is their problem, not yours.
What you need to do now is formulate a plan as to where you will live and how you will support yourself after you leave the mission. To my way of thinking it would be easier if you did not return to your parents house. Find another place where you can live and find a job so you can support yourself. Joining the military is a possible option. That would give you job training and provide money for college.
Staying on the mission to the bitter end is a waste of your time. And it will not make it any easier on your parents when you do choose to leave the church. So my advice is to bite the bullet and leave as soon as you can come up with a plan for where to go.
newcatholic
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
Go home, go home, go home. My son was sent to Utah on his mission. Unbeknowst to me, he was very sick with lung ailments. The mission sent him to the doctor,and the doctor said my son had "Utah". His lungs were not doing well in the dry air. No one told me about this. I did not know this until he came home. They did not tell me, his mother, how sick he was. Were they just going to wait until he died? I would much rather my son be happy and healthy than serve an "honorable" mission.
notsurewhattothink
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
^^My mission president didn't tell my mom I was in the hospital in and out for 8 weeks. It didn't matter though, my mom rather I died in the mission field than come home early, and she told me that in her email to me. I had to proselyte with two canes (because I could barely stand) for months. Stupid ass Mormon cult thinking.
Dent
Stay and enjoy the culture as best you can
If you can focus on getting to know the area and events, and less on missionary work, you can make it. A lot of it will depend on your companion and if he is okay with visiting museums and historical sites. I hope you are in a good country with lots of cultural things for you.
Try to find areas to help people. It won't be easy but with the right diversion the year will pass quickly and you can plan your exit strategy when you get home.
Mr. Neutron
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
You say: "I came on my mission mostly out if the old 'Mormon guilt' trick for putting my parents through hell as a teenager." Whenever there is a problem in a relationship that I am analyzing, I always look at the younger one, especially those that are youths. What was this hell you put them through? Were you violent? Did you argue? Did you say mean things to them? Did you get in trouble with the cops? Were you a criminal?
Most people who say this are talking about letting their parents down, perhaps spiritually or academically, or breaking their multitudinous rules. If this is the case, I tell you here and now that, on these matters, I am in total opposition to parents the world over. Far too many people have kids and immediately start making plans for them. Then the children are supposed to interpret this as love. The problem is that humans are programmed for free will. Just because your parents placed expectations on you and you rebelled does not give them any excuse. If you made mistakes when you were younger (and since you left for a mission long after you were age-appropriate, I would assume we're talking about the multitudinous "sins" in Mormonism), they are yours, not theirs. It's your mind and they are your consequences.
Another poster pointed out part of your solution: "It's your life. You aren't living your parents life, you are living your life. Your parents may or may not be hurt if you leave your mission now, or if you leave the church when you get home. You can't control how they feel, you can only control what you do and do your best to life your life with integrity. You have to make choices that are right for you. Not your parents."
I agree completely. You probably gave your parents hell because your free will ran opposite to their plans and expectations. Unfortunately, if you think you can get their plans and expectations out of your mind simply by fulfilling a mission, you can forget it. Since you're serving what they think is an "honorable" mission, their plans and expectations are only going to flourish. It's not going to stop with a mission. They will expect temple marriage, baptisms, ordinations, grandkids on missions, maybe even a degree from a church university. It is not your business to make your parents happy. Their good intentions are sh*tting all over your mind, all over your life. The road to hell, my boy.
You are setting yourself up for depression, brought on by cognitive dissonance. You don't owe anyone else anything at all. You are setting yourself up for a life lived to please them. Faking your happiness for someone else's benefit does not actually benefit anyone.
The sooner you get on with living your own life, the better for you. Imagine coming home from an "honorable" mission and telling your parents that you don't believe it. Now imagine coming home from an "honorable" mission and lying to your parents that you do believe it. One makes you happy (in the long run) and one only makes them happy. How much longer are you going to concern yourself with other people's happiness? As long as you are doing that, you are going to be miserable, and reinforce the errant lessons they taught you when you were small.
I've referred other posters to Alice Miller, and I would encourage you to get on your iPhone and do the same:
http://alice-miller.com/index_en.php
Teenage rebellion is the conscious and unconscious reaction to being denied your own mind. As much as you love your parents, your mind is none of their business. I love my parents too, but they screwed up big time by turning me into the perfectly obedient little boy. Your relationship with them, like mine with mine, will survive a lack of belief. You are an adult. It's time for you to make adult decisions and bear the consequences yourself.
I wish you the absolute best of luck. And congratulations on seeing through the charade.
PapaKen
There must be 50 ways to leave your mission
Slip out the back, Jack.
Make a new plan, Stan.
No need to be coy, Roy.
Just set yourself free.
Don't need to discuss much.
Drop off the key, Lee.
And set yourself free.
I know it's not THAT easy. But it's what you've already done emotionally/spiritually.
Now you just have to figure out a way to do it physically, and go home.
As a parent, I, for one, would ultimately have greater respect for my son or daughter who was true to his/her beliefs, rather than pretending to believe something that they did not.
tig
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
No I don't. I think that it is a mirage. There is always something that you can point to to keep you in. I don't fault anyone for thinking that way because that is how the system is designed.
Do YOU think it is going to be easier for him to tell his parents he thinks it is all a load of tripe after they have sacrifices 2 years of financing his mission? How about after they have reached in their pockets to pay for college? You don't think they are going to believe he just played along under false pretenses for the $$$? You don't think that is going to make them see him as a deceiver or money digger? You don't think the question is going to come up, "How long have you felt this way" Put yourself in the parents shoes.
Are you suggesting that it is better to lie and play along until you are financially set?
I understand if you disagree with me. For me, I don't think it get easier. You just become more indebted to your parents and the system. I've ready too many stories of people who have had doubts all their live, but play along to get along. Eventually they realize that they can't do this anymore. The problem is they are now married to a TBM, have a child that is getting ready to get married in the temple etc., and realize that they can't get out because the cost is too great.
It is never easy. You are going to hurt and disappoint people. That is just reality. You leave now, you might give up financial support. I get it. That is hard. But you are always going to give up something. It is just my belief that what you have to give up gets harder and harder as time goes on. That is why I included the fixed cost fallacy. If he has decided he needs out, throwing more time, committment, money etc. at the problem does NOT MAKE IT EASIER, IT MAKES IT HARDER!
Those are my thoughts, I'm curious as to how you see that differently?
As a final thought...this is coming from someone who will be in church Sunday for 3 hours (like every Sunday) and is taking my daugher to a YW's activity tonight...so ask me how I know.
blueorchid
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to sit just behind your companion as he gives the discussions and continually roll your eyes. We don't want to be dragging anybody else into this mess.
Just like a doctor--first do no harm. And that means to yourself either.
You just found yourself. Good for you. Make decisions that you can live with. You don't owe your parents a mission, but I am like you and would have done anything to not hurt mine. I don't know what you should do, just try to keep class factored into it.
Outcast
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
You can pretend until it's over. Lots of people have done this.
Then get on with your life doing things that make sense to you, not because other people say it's what you should do. Be your own man.
Mnemonic
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
Whatever you decided to do, remember this:
YOU ARE AN ADULT AND ARE ON YOUR MISSION AS A VOLUNTEER.
Nobody can make you do anything you don't want to do and nobody can keep you there again your will.
As an adult, you often have to decide if you are going to do things that make other people happy or do things that make you happy. Obviously, you have to strike a balance. If you live your life trying to please others you will often fail because you can't please everyone but if you only do things that make you happy you may be seen as selfish.
If you stay you will give up another year of your life to something that doesn't benefit you because you THINK it will please your parents. I would suggest that you find out what your parents really think. Call them and tell them you are unhappy and want to come home and see what they say. Tell them you will stay if completing your mission means more to them than your happiness. That way you will know for sure how they feel and you can make an informed decision instead of guessing.
Your situation made me think of this song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAHR7_VZdRw
s4711 logged out
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
Hate to be a skeptic, but sometimes I wonder if these are for real, or just trolls. Thanks to TSCC for teaching me outrageous distrust/mistrust. Anyway, buriedego, it's not worth it. If I could do it all over again I wouldn't have gone in the first place. I would have saved myself a lot of time, been on track for the career I wanted, and avoided more brainwashing etc. Good luck.
anon for this
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
If you accidentally break your arm or leg you will heal sooner than a year's time and it will be less painful...
Mormoney
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
Why don't you change your mission and try to deconvert as many as you can including missionary companions? Study up on mormonthink.com. Make a game out of it and have fun with it. See how long it takes them to send YOU home.
NoToJoe
My mission was over twenty years ago. I dunked around 30 people....mostly teenaged girls in Chile. From Facebook I know of a few people who are still involved with the cult and I feel serious guilt for sucking them into the bullshit. I'm very relieved that most of them called it quits withing two weeks of getting wet. I wish I had known then what I know now.
Finally Free!
Re: Hey "logged out".... I'm skeptical too. Thanks be to tscc.
Please be careful with the skepticism though... I do understand what you mean, but in some cases like this publicly stating that someone may be a troll may scare off others in a similar situation. If you honestly think they are trolling report it.
I try to give people the benefit of the doubt in these cases, if it's real, then I've given the best advice that I can. If it's fake, then I've given the best that I can and someone else may benefit from it, they may even benefit from it if they open up to it and realize that their efforts at trolling got them a response from people that tried to help.
Pooped
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
If you want to go home a man (aren't you saying you are about 21 or 22 already?) just leave NOW and take whatever comes when you get home. Worrying about your parents' "broken hearts" makes them sound like juveniles or very elderly. I imagine they are adults in the prime/middle of life and can handle you becoming your own person even if it stings a bit. Getting one's heart broken is just a part of everyone's life and it will happen eventually when you leave Mormonism no matter how or when it happens. They are probably very sweet parents but that does not obligate you to live your life forever on their and the church's terms. You've reached the point of having to compromise your personal standards forever or become the person you know you need to be. The only good reason I can see for faking things another year is if you will be financially cut off at home. Are your parents THAT controlling? If so, then you will have to figure out how to get by. I would vote for chronic fatigue syndrome. Just don't get out of bed any more and have constant pain and aching. They will either leave you in bed all day and reassign your comp. so you can probably reside at the mission home for evaluation and/or send you home. If it were me and I was on a mission somewhere exotic or fun I'd just start having a ball and hang the consequences. The mission president is probably just as afraid of looking like a failure for sending a missionary home as you are of being seen as a failure. Hang out in the coffee shop. Go on dates with investigators or members. Hang out at a local university or college. Go to the movies. If you are out a year you are probably senior comp and your junior will have to follow you or run off and rat you out to the AP's. I'm really kind of curious what type of mission president you have and how he would try to manipulate you. Would he use guilt, blackmail, withhold your passport and money? I hope you return and report for the sake of others in your same position reading your blog.
These are all just suggestions. In the long run you have to figure out what works best for you. Congrats for seeing the sham of the LDS corporation! You've just saved yourself a probable horrible marriage and a miserable rest of your life wasting 10% of your income to benefit a multinational, rather wealthy, corporation. Now you know why the church keeps everything financial so secret and everything doctrinal so vague.
Onward and upward!
weeder
ditto -- very successful in Oakland, CA area ...
... I've regretted that "success" for the last decade and a half.
forbiddencokedrinker
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
You need to go home, and you don't need to fake an injury or get a real one. What you need to do is get a plan.
Are you in your home country, or in another country? If the later, do you have your passport and travel papers, or did the Mission President take them away, which they normally do, breaking the law in most countries.
How much money do you have? I know of a couple stories where stateside elders rented a car, it was even delivered to the mission apartment, then drove home. If you wait until payday, you can do that. You may also just leave in the middle of the night, go to the bus station, or airport and go home from there. Since you have an i-pod touch, you can order tickets.
Contact a local minister from another church. They all think the Mormons are evil, and explain that you are trying to defect, and you need help getting home. Most will jump at the chance.
Or simply confront of your mission president and demand to be sent home. Problem with this one, is that mission presidents are trained to be manipulative, and many think they are actually doing the right thing. He will do his best to not be helpful, and to guilt you into staying. If he has your passport, and don't want to confront him, and don't mind an epic shunning find out if it is illegal for him to have it, (it is in the United States and most countries, but in some countries he is required to keep it as your employer) and see if you can get the police to force him to turn it over.
Bringing the police to the mission office/mission home has the added advantage that the church will never want anything to do with you again, but it may burn every bridge you have ever had with every Mormon friend and family member you ever had. On the other hand, it would be a devastating scandal for the church, especially if the media picked up on it, which we would helpfully do.
mia
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
Bringing the media to the mission home will give the church the help they need to comply with your wishes. Especially if they're holding your passport.
almostthere
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
IF you stay (and I'm not advising you to stay. If you can get out, do it):
I can tell you one thing I WISH I had done. I wish I would have legitimately tried to get to know people I interacted with. I wish I had really tried to understand their points of view and experiences. It would have been amazing to just listen to people talk about their faith and spirituality, or even their experiences without it. I wish I had not been so preoccupied with trying to change people that I couldn't just appreciate them and broaden my perspective.
For example, when you talk to a Christian, ask them about their experiences with God. Ask Muslims what Islam means to them, and how they feel about it. Listen to peoples' conversion stories. If you talk to atheists, let them tell you about their points of view, and how they find peace in life and see the universe. Ask JW converts about their life stories and conversions. Talk to Pentecostals about what it feels like to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Ask a Buddhist about what their spiritual practice does for them. The world is full of rich human experience, and I wasted a real opportunity to get close to it on a personal level.
This advice from a post above may also be worthwhile:
"If it were me and I was on a mission somewhere exotic or fun I'd just start having a ball and hang the consequences."
Be sure to come back to the board and let us know what's going on!
snowball
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
I'll just make the case for going home.
1. Your parents hearts will be broken when you leave the LDS Church anyway. What's the ultimate difference if it's now or later. If they are emotionally well-adjusted they can get over it eventually.
2. There's no point in you wasting YOUR time, and your/others money doing this. What do you want to be doing right now?
3. I'm not sure how you'll work out the travel plan. Depends on where you are, and where home is. But most of the time, where there's a will there's a way.
4. You can be ok without the church. It may be rough at first, but eventually it will all look rather small and silly in the rearview mirror. There's no need to be in awe of the power of the mission president--he's just some dude.
forbiddencokedrinker
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
True, but remember what I said, it also burns bridges with brainwashed loved ones.
You can also tell your Mission President that you have been struggling with gay thoughts about your companions, and you need time away from the mission field. This is risky, because while a lot of Mormon mission presidents will freak out and send you home, others will try to use such a confession as a way of controlling you.
Lots of missionaries simply go home, with no problem, on their own. They all made a plan to do so, and they all carried out that plan.
Just remember, the church does not care about you as much as they claim you do. The minute your companion reports you are gone, their main focus is going to be on damage control with the remaining elders. There will be a half hearted effort to find you, but this will be more for the other missionaries sake, then for your own. They want to send the message, that they are going to hunt you, but man hunts cost a lot of money and resources, and the LDS church does not want to spend those. They will also not report your leaving to the local members, will even instruct your companions to lie and cover up your leaving, and will try to minimize the number of missionaries who know about your abandoning the field. Unless your mission president is a human being, and thinks you are in danger, which does happen from time to time, then everyone panics.
I have been on real manhunts. The church does not have the capabilities for those. You just got to create distance between your companion and yourself.
If you have a car, leave a detailed note telling your companion where the car can be found, then drive it to a nearby bus station, or shopping center or something. Do not leave the city with the car though, or fail to let the mission office know where they can find it. Then they can report the car as stolen, and you as a suspect in its theft. I would even go so far as to leave the car in an LDS church parking lot on the other side of town, then getting a taxi to the airport/bus station.
If you are overseas, you may report your passport as missing or stolen to the nearest US embassy. They will then help you make arrangements to get a new one, but you will need to find a place to stay. You can even report it as lost/stolen now, and continue serving your mission until your new one is ready. Could take a few weeks. In the future, make a photocopy of your passports, carry one in your luggage, then another on a printable file that you can reach on the internet. This speeds up getting a new one, because you can show these to the embassy to as proof of who you are, though you can not use such copies as actual legal passports.
Anon for this
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
It's good that you still love your parents, and don't let anybody on here tell you that you have to start hating your parents just because they're TBMs.
However, if I was in your situation, I'd probably leave the mission field. A year, especially when you're young, is a lot of time, and is precious to you. However, I very nearly ended up going on a mission too, even though I didn't want to, just to please my parents and other people from church. So I do understand how hard it is to let those people down.
The way I personally coped was when I decided not to go on a mission, I just cut those people out of my life for a few months (even my parents). It made it easier for me, since I didn't have to face all those people I let down.
I would definitely look into finishing your mission early, but if you decide to stay, I can definitely understand your decision either way. Just when you're older you might look back and regret that time you "wasted" on your mission, just to please your parents. It's a very tough decision to make for sure, and either way it'll be difficult. I wish you luck. :)
weeder
ditto -- and all those points only get bigger with each passing year
sunnynomo
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
Hi, Buried -
I am a nevermo, so I am not sure how much help I can be. I agree with the above posters that you are a volunteer and should leave if you are no longer believing or "part of the tribe". I also understand that it is more easily said than done.
My suggestion to you is this: if you decide to stay, or in the time left before you are able to go home, why not engage in a REAL mission? Let me explain.
Much to the shock of the Mormons, they did not invent the mission. There are many religious missionaries in the world today, and the majority of the non-mormon ones are NOT on a proselytizing mission. They are on a service mission. Not "I will bandage your war wounds if you let me talk about God", but "I will bandage your war wounds, period". Belief in God is not even necessary. If you no longer believe, help your fellow man out of your shared humanity. If you do believe, it could be the most strengthening spiritual excercise you may ever do.
Feed the hungry. Give drink to the thirsty. Clothe the naked. Visit the prisoner. Visit the sick. Bury the dead. These are called the Corporal (as in bodily) works of mercy, and there are others, and they are the basis of true missionary work.
Why would you do this? Some do it for God - but all of us, at one time or another, do it out of love for our fellow man. If you are able to take the time you have left, however much there may be, and use that time to serve others in THEIR need - not the church's need - you will be able to come home knowing you served a VERY honorable mission, indeed. It could become a time in your life that you are truly proud of.
I also think it would be difficult for your mission prez to give you TOO much grief - after all, the basis for all of these things is in one of those books you lug around.
s4711 logged out
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
Agreed--don't hurt yourself. TSCC hurts enough people already. You need to get your papers/ID and get the hell out. Why put off hurting your parents' feelings? It will happen regardless. Stop wasting time and money already and get the hell out. You have better things to do... Good luck.
imaworkinonit
If you go home, you get a year of your life back.
As far as disappointing others: You can try to make them happy, by complying with their expectations, but ultimately they are responsible for their OWN happiness. If their love and respect for you are conditional on your compliance, then they don't really love OR respect you.
Sadly, I've had that experience with some members of my own family, and have had to let some relationships go. But I'd rather have a REAL relationship, based on mutual respect, than one based on conformity.
rhgc
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
Get out NOW.
Tell the mission president you do not believe and will teach that to all investigators as a matter of honesty. They will send you home quicker than a cat can blink it's eye. They will think of some other excuse for your records because they do not want anyone to know that missionaries want to leave because they don't believe.
kimball
+1
I second this for sure!
Making yourself miserable right now to protect your parents from having to deal with grown-up issues is only going to pave the way for a lifetime of doing the same thing.
marik
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
it's very simple. Ask your MP if you can go home, explain honestly all your feelings for doing so.
If he says no..ask him a 2nd question. How does he look on TV because you are now going to the media and telling them you are being "held against your will".
If he starts to get angry just tell him to calm down and ask him one final question. If my balls were on your chin, where would by dick be?
jong1064
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
Ha ha! That is awesome!
saviorself
How about you being disappointed in your parents?
Visit www.mormonthink.com
There you will find abundant information about why the church is NOT true. If your parents say they are disappointed in you then tell them that you are disappointed that they can't use their brains to figure out that the church is a scam, created by the master scammer Joseph Smith. Tell them to visit the above website to learn that they have been duped.
Tupperwhere
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
how do you have an ipad though?
jong1064
Re: How about you being disappointed in your parents?
Yep. It works both ways. I love my dad with all my heart, and I know he loves me. But I have had to really struggle with respecting him, knowing what he knows and still believing. I have learned to have compassion and understanding for him and what he has been through in his life. But I don't feel ashamed for leaving the church. I feel proud and free. I hope you can eventually got to this place also. And don't wait too long.
Cali Sally
Re: Currently serving missionary, want out!!
Like and agree with this post!
"Recovery from Mormonism - www.exmormon.org"