Mormon Beliefs that did the most damage to me.

exdman Aug 2012

Sexual thoughts are unclean thoughts--I felt so tortured as an 11 year old for not being able to get thoughts of nude girls out of my mind, that I used to wish that a car would lose control and run me over so that I could die and it wouldn't be suicide or murder.

Jesus suffered for each of our sins, and each sin added to his pain. How the hell do you live your life if you believe something like that?

I am responsible for my parents happiness. By being unrighteous I ruin their earth life and the eternities.

Marriage is more important than earthly happiness. I have been stuck in an emotionally abusive marriage for 18 years.

If your own feelings contradict the authorities, just believe and follow and things will come clear to you. This might be the worst. Trying to justify to myself that racism, homophobia, and the superiority of rich people are ordained by God, taught me not to trust my own judgement.

Anyone have others?

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
D&C 82:7

7 And now, verily I say unto you, I, the Lord, will not lay any sin to your charge; go your ways and sin no more; but unto that soul who sinneth shall the bformer sins return, saith the Lord your God.

This scripture/belief made me feel utterly helpless and a failure. It means that repentance has no meaning because if you screw up ever again all your sins come back.

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
No kidding. I thought that every time I read that scripture. Then I had to try to push that thought out of my mind. It screws you up trying to justify these things to yourself.

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
The homosexuality stuff did me in.

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
ANY anomalies/problems/confusion will be 'taken care of in the Next Life (tm)'; that also included cases where Bishops/Stake Presidents screwed people over, were A**-hats, Temple Mistakes, etc etc etc.

rank-and-file Never Enjoyed that feature, it was reserved for the Biggies.

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
I was just attracted to men enough to be scared to death that I might be gay and therefore really really evil. I could easily have been driven to suicide, especially if my attraction was stronger. God! what a messed up church.

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
cheez 'n rice..let ALL OF THAT GO! It means NOTHING. You are a beautiful soul that requires no condemnation, rules, or discipline. You are modeled after a lovely god that wishes nothing but happiness on you. Please do not accept anything less. TSCC means zip. You could pretend to be God yourself and do better than those idiots. DO NOT be afraid to enjoy life as you see fit. That's what it's there for.

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
That was a big theme in the book, Miracle of Forgiveness.
A few years ago (2008?) I think it was either McCallister or Christensen who made that point again in GC. So between that teaching and Baptism for the dead, what was it we needed Jesus for? LDS,Inc tacks "lessness" onto the "hope" that Christ is said to have given us.

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
1. The whole sexuality is evil

2. Being brought up that the most important thing a woman can do is get married and have kids. You need to go to college, but you CAN'T have a career. And, then, as a young girl you become obssessed with boys, since I NEED TO GET MARRIED ASAP. (my sisters got married at 18 & 19) This put me in a position that my parents and I NEVER discussed a career or what I wanted to study in college. After all, what does it matter, you're not going to use it anyway.

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
I'm worried about #2 with my 16yr. old daughter. She has gone ultra momon (typo but appropriate) since I came out as an unbeliever. Obsessed with motherhood ASAP. She is so bright, confident and talented.
Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
The natural man is an enemy to God, which of course means that what is you at your core is unacceptable to God.

Always put others' needs first. For me this was a recipe for slowly grinding away at my self until there was not much left.

If you return to sin, your previous repentance is null and void, and your old sins are no longer forgiven.

Those are enough, as just thinking about it depresses the hell out of me. What a completely f-ed up religion.

That's a hard one. Talk to her about her accademic interests.
Find out what careers these would lead to and talk to her about them. See if you can get her to intern at one or more for a couple months each. AND PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE, heartily discourage her from taking a major with which she really can't do anything in the business world. - English Lit specializing in Chaucerian Literature with a minor in Medieval History here. Want fries with that?

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
Yup, the big three for me as well. They colored everything else, like a big toxic cloud. Even all these years later I can't really put my mind into this topic, too traumatic. Just relief that it is in the past. I'll never forget the euphoria of the moment when I finally let these ideas go. Probably the most profound spiritual experience of my life.

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
For me it was the whole idea that if I couldn't feel what others were feeling or do what others were doing, there was something wrong with me. My whole life I always felt second best, always struggling to play catch up with what everyone else seemed to do so easily. It took so many years for me to be able to proudly say, "I don't feel, do or know those things because they're not true and I don't want to.". But living in Utah I don't think you can ever stop feeling like an outsider...

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
I am so sorry that I ever had anything to do with, or payed money to, or recruited people to an organization that so damages people who don't fit.

I am still haunted by the woman bearing her testimony about her gay son who committed suicide. That really helped knock me off the fence.

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
You need to marry a worthy LDS man.. any other man is inferior and your marriage will not be a real marriage and will be inferior. Because of these beliefs I found myself 35 and single, but believing that marriage was the most important thing in the world... but none of the men I met where there was mutual attraction were LDS and therefore they were not acceptable spouses.

Ironically I actually did want to get married, not necessarily for all the Mormon reasons but just because I desired marriage and children and a stable family and all that... but the "family oriented so called church" was the reason I didn't get married until after I left at age 35.

The whole "worthiness" construct did a number on me.

There's the whole list of concrete things that you have to do or not do to be worthy, some of which were impossible for me (like Xyandro, I'm gay and it was never an option to not be gay) and others downright arbitrary, all of which I believed I had to meet.

But then there's the understanding that emerges from this list that nobody can EVER be good enough. Never be worthy... for God, for family, for love,... never.

Re: Worthiness
On kind of a tangent from this. Home teaching, and all of the other callings were invented for Narcissists to be able to stand up and say how easy, and satisfying it is to do your duty, and cry about all the people they have touched.

I could never feel that way.

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
God tracks and records my actions, especially the bad ones. And I knew I'd never avoid being evil, even as a child.

Obedience is a virtue over thinking things through. Every one should accept every calling even if it makes you miserable.

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
I am proud to be a Natural Man. I bow to no religious authority, and to no God. I have a moral and ethical compass which is not "the holy ghost" or anything supernatural. It is part of me as a legacy of evolution of my species, a social creature who needs to cooperate with his fellows for survival. My job is to seek things that will bring the highest degree of well-being to the maximum number of people, including myself.

I'm exultant that I have thrown off the shackles of guilt and superstition that religion tried to impose upon me.

Don Bagley
Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
I was damaged by abusive parents who told me to get over it, because it would all be "worked out" in the afterlife.

I suppose I'll have a chance to beat them violently as they cry hopeless tears.

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
The whole being "christlike" thing was so bad for me. The whole turn the other cheek, love your enemies, bless them that curse you crap. I had users and abusers all around me and would not say "no" or "enough" .....when I finally did and walked away from the church and all religion /theology I was free and yet had no idea who to draw a boundary! I do now but it took a looong time!

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
I can't think of anything in particular, but I bought into the whole package. The first time I made out with my DH when we were in HS, I was pretty sure I was going to hell.

southern should login
Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
I'm in Georgia too :D

As a never mo, I can only vouch for my husband's apparent damage but he also has a difficult time understanding when people are being abusive towards him (especially his guilt tripping tbm parents). Turn the other cheek is a nicey nice way of telling victims to shut the hell up :/

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
For me it has been the whole sexuality thing. I am a hetero male with a high sex drive and have masturbated and looked at porn since at least 11 or so. I have carried so much guilt for this over the years, and it has had a major effect on almost everything I have done. I was one of the "white-knucklers" that didn't make it through the mission without going back to my "evil ways", and I got married to someone who isn't really a great match for me b/c I was horny (I still love her, but our marriage is currently walking a very thin line).

I am only recently out and still struggling with the idea that I am not, actually, an evil person, and that my "porn addiction" is actually normal and most nevermos would think I was stupid to refer to it as such (I am generally a 1 or 2 times a week guy, sometimes more). I know that this is true, but 33 1/2 years of programming are hard to get rid of.

I am quite sure that had I grown up with normal ideas about all of this, I would not be in the situation that I am currently in.

By the Power of the Holy Ghost, ye may know the truth of all things
But I DIDN'T get answers.

It left be feeling indecisive, and unworthy (because it MUST have been my own fault that the invisible ghost didn't speak to me).

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
I was married less than 3 years when the good old boys in Salt Lake sent out the letter to the priesthood proclaiming oral sex was "unholy and impure" and to stop it or lose your temple recommend.

My now-ex told me we had to follow the profit. And that he "never felt right about doing it anyway." And yes, we confessed to our branch president.

I think my feelings for my husband were never quite the same after that. Not because we were no longer practicing oral sex, but because he chose the church over me.

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
Ha, I masturbate more than that and I am a woman! You are so far away from being evil it would be funny if it weren't so sad.

ambivalent exmo
Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
Exactly. Brilliantly put.
"Lessness" is the REAL Mormon doctrine.
It's how they keep tbms shackled to the cult.
Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
DC 82:7 made me view life as a soccer/hockey game, struggle as hard as you can all day, all life and its really only the last few 'seconds' or 'minutes' of your life that will determine the outcome...

Re: Don't worry about it, you weren't equipped with a sharp BS detector...
Some of us do have some don't. The important element is you found out the truth.

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
There were two things for me...

One was to get married, too early, and that it didn't matter WHO you got married to as long as "you lived the gospel". Baaaaadddd advice!

Two. This is not one many of you can relate to, so I'll try to explain...

Christianity, and Mormonism, give a very poor explanation of why the differences in our earthly circumstances are so VAST. Differences in WHEN you were born, WHERE you were born, the wealth of lack thereof of your birth family, educational opportunities, physical defects, mental defects, dysfunctional parenting, etc., etc.

I was never able to accept Christianity or Mormonism because of this. There had to be an explanation (beyond simple atheism) that could explain this inequality of circumstances in a way that made life purposeful.

Anyway, I have that explanation now and am fully satisfied with it, but it does not fit into Christianity or Mormonism.

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
I am hall-of-shaming that one.


Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
1.) Sexual sins are second after murder on the "how horrible of a person are you?" scale

2.) I was chosen to be in this generation, one of the most tested and oppressed generations, because I was strong in the pre-mortal life and God needs me to be a good girl because its what my pre-mortal self wanted.

The latter really messed with my head - I could never live up to expectations.

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
AND, don't forget, by feeling morose and hopeless because all your past sins are retrieved from the sin-recycle-bin the moment you slip up, you're actually sinning because the lard tells us not to dwell on sad and depressing thoughts. In other words, you're sinning by feeling sad that you're sinning, so not only do you need to repent for sinning you need to repent for feeling sad that you're sinning! And if you get discouraged, you're sinning again!!!!

At least that's what I learned growing up.

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
I have two that are closely related: (1) Mormon exceptionalism and (2) the metaphorical and literal idea that the church is a bastion of righteousness in an evil world. Both of these teachings created a personal paradigm for me in which there was very little of value outside of the Church. I discounted friends, teachers, ideas, and philosophies that were not based in Mormonism. I passed on life experiences and educational opportunities because they didn’t line up with my Mormon world view. The world is a big place. There is so much of value and so many good and honorable people. I have a lot of catching up to do. Makes me think of this quote:

The greatest gift of apostasy from an absolutist religion is the expansive love you can finally feel for the various teachers in the world.
- "Jes January" (Deborah Stolworthy)

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
Oh god yes. That second one messed with me too.
And to add to that, as I grew up, I heard the same thing being repeated to the generation that came after me, and the next one and the next, and so on.
After a couple of generation I felt a lot less important when I realized that my generation was no longer the chosen one for this dispensation.

Re: Beliefs that did the most damage to me.
Modesty. As a teen, I was already self conscious enough as it was. I always had YW leaders making me feel like a horrible person for having a small slit in my skirt or stupid stuff like that. The message I heard over and over again about having to cover up made me feel like I had something to be ashamed of. Plus, all the boys I was "supposed" to like always said stuff like "modest is hottest", so then I felt guilty for giving them naughty thoughts or whatever.

It only got worse with garments. Then I REALLY had to cover up, couldn't wear what I wanted, and just felt so ugly. As a newlywed, it was the most unsexy feeling ever.

The feelings I have now that I can wear whatever I want are great! And if I'm going to get dirty looks from the Garment Police at church, so be it!

"Recovery from Mormonism -"