A Very Sad Sacrament Meeting Story

by Just Once Mar 2012

A TBM friend of mine related a very sad story, a high councilman gave, yesterday at their sacrament meeting.

A member of the stake high council gave a talk at their ward yesterday on the importance of service.

He talked about the importance of being willing to accept callings whenever they are given and how you'll be blessed for it.

He and his wife had lived a life of service to TSCC and were always involved in one calling or another all their lives.

Towards the end of his talk he broke down and cried often as he told how he and his wife had very little time together for themselves and were really looking forward to retirement when they could spend that time together that they had missed out on.

Unfortunately, she died unexpectedly. He cried as he said that they'll have to wait until the next life to enjoy that time together.

I thought to myself, "How many other TBM's also sacrifice their families as they blindly accept one calling after another to wake up one day, like this high councilman, and realize what they missed out on?"

one person/family is too many!! :
sad really! :(

Re: A Very Sad Sacrament Meeting Story
Ouch. A life wasted.

Re: A Very Sad Sacrament Meeting Story
Several years ago, the father of my son's best friend was called to bishop. The father mentioned it to me one evening when he dropped by to pick up his son. Without really thinking I said "I hope you said no!" He looked as me like I had just grown another head.

I got a first row seat to watch his family self-destruct over the next five years. He three oldest teens got involved with drugs, the daughter became pregnant by her druggie boyfriend.

My son's friend was the only one of the four children who avoided the self-destruction, but he carried the weight of trying to be the perfect son (still does).

The wife (already mentally unstable) went even further into depression as she struggled to keep up the image of the perfect LDS family.

It isn't that this guy was a bad father or didn't care. But after spending 50+ hours a week at a demanding job with a long commute and spending all his extra time being "father to the ward" he didn't have any time or energy left for his real family. He suffered under the stress himself as he was unprepared and untrained to help anyone with the struggles of their lives - he was a computer programmer for pity's sake!

So sad.

Re: A Very Sad Sacrament Meeting Story
I once had a bishop that got cancer and died.
His wife stood up in testimony meeting and told everyone that she resented them for taking up all the time she could have spent with him, and that people in the ward had stressed him out so much he got cancer, and it was their fault he died.
Talk about a guilt trip.

Re: A Very Sad Sacrament Meeting Story
The day came when it appeared likely that a particular bishop was to be released after a few years of faithful service. When this release did not occur as expected and hoped for (by his family,) it was heartbreaking to watch two of his children break into sobs. They had SO hoped to have their father back at last!

The expectation that bishops put in 50 hours a week for bishop duties IN ADDITION TO their full-time jobs, guarantees heavy fallout for the bishop’s marriage and family. For a church which arrogantly boasts of being a “family”-oriented church, it certainly turns a cold, blind eye to the routine effect on a bishop’s family.

Re: A Very Sad Sacrament Meeting Story
To make matters worse, it seems like they choose younger men with a lot of kids. My last bishop was 39 and had 7 kids. His wife always looked like she was on the verge of a breakdown.

When his time was up, they didn't release him. He left for a 30 day vacation with his family. After that, they missed church about once every two months. They finally released him about a year after he should have been.

Re: A Very Sad Sacrament Meeting Story
Too bad his little breakdown pretty much ruined his point. Let's pretend I'm sitting there in the pews when Dude says all this. Am I going to be thinking, "Where do I sign up?" Hell no! I'm marching straight to the bishop's office and asking to be released from any and all callings right that instant because life is too short to waste on mindless busy work. I mean, watching a guy break down in public out of regret for all the time he didn't spend with his poor dearly departed wife is hardly the motivation I need to keep my shoulder to the wheel. Ya know?

Re: A Very Sad Sacrament Meeting Story
My father was a bishop when I was a small child. He was working his butt off establishing his career, mom was SAHM, one car. He would go straight from work to church. Oh,and that was back in the days of build your own building.

Why no, I'm not bitter. Why do you ask?

CA girl
Re: A Very Sad Sacrament Meeting Story
My husband home taught a family years ago and the father told the following story: His father was the bishop in their ward when he was growing up and one Sunday, when the boy was about 8, he got up in church during Fast & Testimony meeting and told the ward how much he hated all of them for taking his father away from him. This man and his family that my husband taught was just active enough ... but didn't live the sort of life that qualified him to be a bishop. I often wondered if he fell just short of the "ideal" intentionally, so that he'd never be called to be bishop and do to his kids what his father did to him.

the fallout from Unpaid Clergy
I wonder if things are getting worse with more employers asking employees to do the jobs of several workers?

Re: A Very Sad Sacrament Meeting Story
What people do not understand is when you make your temple covenants you covenant EVERYTHING even your life to the church.
My young husband was so diligent he was gone all week, left before household awake, home well after bedtime with meetings finishing about 10.30 for seven years. He did not die, I did not die, BUT OUR RELATIONSHIP DID. We divorced and the children who are now middle aged still talk about DAD in the lost third person sense.

Slavery is not acceptable even if FREELY (I say that loosely) given. And I have a mountain of other stories I could tell. Service and slavery both begin with S and that is where it ends.

Re: A Very Sad Sacrament Meeting Story
And I can just see LDS authorities hearing the story and say, like, "Yeah... So?" Because you really do covenant to give all your time and talents to the Mormon church. In their minds, the sacrifice is expected and even welcome. They are asses, of course.
Re: A Very Sad Sacrament Meeting Story
If you've ever sat in on a bishop being ordained, they always bless him with the energy, time, health, bla bla bla, to do the job. I've never heard one being blessed to be able to keep him family together while the church traumatizes them all.

To make it even worse, there's the rule that if you're the wife or child you're sinning if you complain. You're supposed to be thrilled about your husbands defection. Go through it with a big smile on your face.

CA girl
Re: A Very Sad Sacrament Meeting Story
Oh, and then there is this charming gem that my mom says all the time: "Satan works hardest on the bishop's family, more so than the other families in the ward." She says this because apparently, the bishop is leading the ward and Satan is trying to destabilize him so he can't help others efficiently. You can tell her stories about bishop's kids getting drunk, getting into drugs, shoplifting, getting pregnant ... whatever and she'll swear it has nothing to do with the church taking the father out of the home and overstressing him and the mom. It has to do entirely with Satan putting pressure on the bishop's family.

Which begs the question - if this were true, what sort of man would willingly put his family into Satan's clutches, just to serve the church? Any decent family man would turn the position down to protect his family from Satan's influence.

Re: A Very Sad Sacrament Meeting Story
Absolutely CA Girl. My second husband was too smart to get called to any leadership positions. They certainly tried but he was always late, ineffective, out smarted them at every move. We have been married for 40 years and he always saw through it all.

They are calling younger men obviously for their desire to be flattered and loved. Insecurity breeds attention seeking and of course everyone MUST love and LISTEN to the Bishop. This is a heady cocktail for young minds.

Dances with Cureloms
The true cost of "comforting" delusions: wasted lives.

Re: A Very Sad Sacrament Meeting Story
Stories like these make me so angry and upset.

Re: A Very Sad Sacrament Meeting Story
On the plus side, losing an extremely abusive father to the bishopric is a godsend. But because of that, I guess I never realized that people who WANTED to spend time with their dads must have hated losing them.
Another Very Sad Story...
Same thing happened to me. I had to work three double shifts in a row at the hospital over Christmas one year, leaving my mother sitting at home.


We had a big old fight about it. She was the first one to apologize...

I finally flippantly told her, "Don't worry, I'll make it up to ya next year."

I'm sure you can guess where this is going, right? There wasn't a next year. The following Christmas, I was the one sitting at home alone. Hating my dumb @$$...

I think what's saddest about it is that now this man is even more locked into the Morg.
Because being a faithful member is his only hope of seeing the wife he presumably loved very much again and getting to spend the time with her he lost by serving the Morg. Even the thought that it isn't true would be devastating to him. Poor guy...
"I have come to know that no sacrifice is too great...."
"....for faithful members of the church"

Gordon B.S. Hinckley

Yes LDS INC. will steal your money, your time, your life, ALL OF IT, and gleefully leave faithFOOL members with NOTHING and tell them that its for their betterment.

WHen LDS INC. has needs they demand that members
supply funding with real Money. WHen members have needs the Church feels they can get by on faith and can be put off indefinitely.



Sadder still, mormons believe in eternal progression. They must continue to work & struggle for eternity.
The guy is forgetting that he and his first earthly wife (and others) will forever have to sacrifice time together in favor of building the kingdom of heaven and glorifying the mormon priesthood god.

sorry for your loss Doxie!
and the fact that you took you Mom for granted a little...dont beat yourself up over it...you needed to work and it aint like you work in an office...you are helping the infirmed...so try and feel good about the time you did spend with her. :)

Re: A Very Sad Sacrament Meeting Story
A GA friend of the family spoke at my dad’s funeral. The gist of his message is that even though we miss him that he doesn’t have time to miss us. "He’s too busy doing the work of the lard." He seriously thought that “He’s to busy to miss you.” Was the message we needed to hear.
Re: A Very Sad Sacrament Meeting Story
You are spot on, matilda! A heady cocktail,indeed, for a embryonic god with a self deceptive concept of fained humility to serve God! Especially if they are young,and their emotions and ego's tingle in the God complex doctrines of mormonism! Am I suggesting that applies to all bishops? You damn right I am! To one degree or another, it applies, even to the,seemingly, most humble and sincere men serving in that capacity! It is who they are, or should I say, who they delusionally believe they will become. Either way, humble service has very little to do with it!
Thank you, Biggie.
That's one thing I have learned... that life really IS too short!

Too bad I do all my learning the hard way.

There are a lot of bishop's wives...
who aren't as excited about the church as their husbands are.
Re: A Very Sad Sacrament Meeting Story
SO TRUE! I couldn't agree with you more. My dad worked his way to being pretty high up in the church but I was always so thankful that he was never called to be bishop.

The higher they go, the harder they fall!

My dad was bishop for a long time
I kid you not I never saw him except Sat mornings some times.
We also would do the things the profits said like not watch tv or swim on Sundays. It literally killed our family.

However, that bishop calling is what eventually took him out of the Morg. He was always kind hearted so ex-ing or disfellowshiping people because of drinking or smoking got to him. He would always that they needed to be with church family more.

Re: A Very Sad Sacrament Meeting Story
It even happens to children. I heard a 9-year-old bishop's daughter speak in F&T meeting; she was blundering along then said something about how she and the other 5 or 6 children could see more of their parents. She realized she'd made a major mistake and quickly piped up how glad she was they were working for the church.

On several occasions her mother left her at home to tend the newborn. Once, during the old weekday relief society meetings of the early 70s, she called the church in great distress because her baby brother had messed his diaper. The TBM woman who answered the phone told her that dirty diapers weren't important and no, they wouldn't go get her mother because she was teaching a class. A nine-year-old alone with a newborn. It would probably be considered child abuse today.

"Recovery from Mormonism - www.exmormon.org"