Subject: Weird Mormon wedding account by co-worker
Date: Apr 03 11:56
Author: cludgie
note: A non-Temple wedding is considered a 2nd Class wedding.  Links at bottom.

A co-worker just attended a non-temple Mormon wedding in WA state. He told us all in our office how weird it was, and asked me a lot of questions. The couple could not qualify for the temple because they had "sinned," and got married in the local church. But the wedding took place in the "cultural hall" (he said "the basketball court"), everyone sitting on metal folding chairs (everyone getting a clear picture?). The bishop did everything, including giving the opening prayer. To explain how the bishop gave the prayer, my friend crossed his arms tightly, bunched up his shoulders, and bowed his head (getting another familiar picture in your head?). Everyone laughed and asked why he'd give a prayer like that. I had to explain.

The upshot was that the wedding was, as he put it, TERR-i-ble--the way it was handled, the words spoken, complete lack of feeling and religion, and everything--and asked why would they have made it so bad. I got to teach my rather cynical belief that some bishops will make the chapel off-limits to people who don't qualify for a temple wedding in an effort to drive home what bad people they've been. Then they make the wedding a sort of farce to shame them some more. Of course, the bishop could just be a butthead and not know better, but I think my cynical version is closer to the truth.

It turned off all the couple's friends, so they took them out and they all had beer. It's yet another example of the bishop's holy inspiration helping to destroy the church's reputation. I love it.


Subject: Re: Weird Mormon wedding account by co-worker
Date: Apr 03 12:15
Author: PtLoma

I once attended the wedding of an employee's daughter. They were TBM and she was marrying a Gentile who showed no signs of conversion. The reception, predictably enough, was held in the cultural hall. However, they paid to rent a beautiful outdoor, non-LDS venue (library with outdoor garden, frequently used for weddings of all denominations). The ceremony was conducted by an LDS bishop AND the minister from the groom's family's Lutheran church. The ceremony was lovely, then everyone had to drive over to the ward for the reception, and yes the family got to use the basketball court for free, etc., but a reception held on a basketball court is not as bad as a ceremony held on a basketball court.

A typical LDS chapel could be made to look presentable for a wedding with a few flowers, but church leaders ban its use for non-temple weddings as a way of penalizing those who don't toe the line and who try to include everyone.


Subject: Marriage is sacred, just not sacred enough for the chapel! n/t


Subject: I was married in an LDS chapel. n/t


Subject: Re: Weird Mormon wedding account by co-worker
Date: Apr 03 12:26
Author: Mormon Observer

My FIl years ago was kinda 'going bad' as Mormons did in the 60s. So the Bishop in an effort to encourage my FIL to straighten up convinced him he needed to let a young couple of the ward use his living room to get married in!

the Bishop married them in my FILs living room. My FIL and MIL barely knew the couple, but since the couple was not 'temple' worthy.  the Bishop had convinced them their (very modest and tiny) living room was just the place for a wedding! (and not the chapel??? go figure)

Anyway, my wayward FIL stopped dragging his wife to all the 'girly' shows in the area and life settled down in my former husbands family.

What a manipulation!!


Subject: When it really hit me...
Date: Apr 03 13:20
Author: Kat660

... that everyone knows down deep that a temple wedding is not what it's cracked up to be was a number of years ago when they first started making couples who got married in the church do it somewhere other than the chapel (which wasn't the rule when I was younger). My friend was marrying a less-active member and was told she'd have to do it in the gym. The Bishop said, "we can't reward people for not getting married in the temple."

That said it all right there. A chapel wedding, where everyone is invited, where daddy gets to walk you down the aisle and give you away, where you get pictures of your wedding, etc., is so much more meaningful and beautiful than getting married in a fig leaf, with your dress covered up, with people you love standing outside.

So they've done everything they can to ugly-it-up. The vows are as ugly as the temple wedding vows, the couple makes no meaningful vows to each other. And most bishops make sure they slip in something about how this one is not the "real" wedding, etc.

It's sad that a young couple who are not getting married in the temple bow to pressure to do it in a Mormon church at all, and to let a Mormon Bishop marry them. They could go somewhere nice and get another clergyman or judge to marry them. They could write their own vows and have a truly meaningful wedding. But often their parents don't want them to have something beautiful. They want them to understand that they are not doing it right so they have to settle for second best.


Subject: Yep, they try to ugly it up
Date: Apr 03 15:16
Author: CA girl

to discourage anyone else from ever making the mistake of being married outside the temple. It's a really viscious, unchristlike thing to do to a young couple on their wedding day. Even at my most TBM, I told my mom that if I married a non-Mo, I was going to get married in our backyard and have my uncle, who was a Catholic priest at the time, do the ceremony. I was absolutely adament that no Mormon bishop would perform my wedding ceremony - EVER!

Of course, then I screwed it all up by getting married in their gawd awful temple so ....


Subject: My semi-active friend married her NeverMo husband in...
Date: Apr 03 17:05
Author: Birchtree

the Relief Society room!

The waaaard house is one of those old 1920's buildings, so the RS room is in the bsmt, is dark and drab, and smells funny. But, it was nicer than crepe paper hanging off the basketball hoops, and it's right across the hall from the kitchen. The punchbowl full of lime sherbet and 7-Up was very conveniently located!


Subject: Wow, that second paragraph is a dang good point. n/t
Date: Apr 03 17:29
Author: cludgie
Mail Address:  



Subject: Re: Weird Mormon wedding account by co-worker
Date: Apr 03 18:47
Author: Balard123
Mail Address:  

My convert daughter and her TBM boyfriend planned to move to Arizona right after she graduated from college so He could complete his studies. In order for them to live together they got married. Being raised Catholic we rented a very nice place on Mission Bay and I got to walk my daughter down the isle and we all had a great time. The worst part was had they been forced to have a Temple wedding a year later(she had just converted) none of this would have ever happened. It took my daughter about that long to figure out what a scam the church and her new husband were, and she left them both.


Subject: Re: Weird Mormon wedding account by co-worker
Date: Apr 03 20:10
Author: sherv

Wish I could say the same for my daughter. She married a Mormon guy at a golf course, No Mormons would sit in the seats set up for the ceremony- except his parents. They waited in the reception hall. So much for caring about the couple!!!

My daughter converted to Mormonism 3 yrs. later....and I was told after the deed was done. I am fine with my SIL but boy, I do wish my daughter would kick the Mormon religion to the curb as your daughter did. There is hope. She and hubby have been living with me lately and have not attended a Mormon church service for three months. But they did go to two baby blessings. I am so hoping she is beginning to understand what she did and want out of that cult. It would make me so happy. Glad you got relief once your daughter woke up!!!


Subject: I hear you and my heart goes out to you
Date: Apr 03 20:47
Author: Balard123

send her to RS after hearing there shpeel she told us "there is no way in hell I'm going to raise my kids like that" and it was down hill from there.

Good luck with your daughter, now a days the kid are much more in tune with the universe, she'll catch on


Subject: I was asked to play the piano
Date: Apr 03 19:46
Author: 2thdoc

The bishop called one day and asked if I could provide the music for a wedding that was going to be in the RS [relief society] room. I didn't know the couple but was kind of excited for the chance to play some of my "love song" sheet music. I practiced up and arrived, ready to show off.

The bishop saw my stack of music and said he wanted me to just play hymns and primary songs. I seriously thought he was making a joke and laughed, but he was dead serious. Can you IMAGINE sitting at your wedding listening to primary songs for music background?! I was humiliated for them, but after reading these other posts, I think that was the point.


Subject: grrrrr... Mormon bishops and weddings.
Date: Apr 03 21:01
Author: juliannahh
Mail Address:  

My wedding was in my parents backyard, which was actually a really beautiful setting. But we asked the Bish to marry us (being blind and trying to "be good" so we could get to the temple later). Just prior to our wedding, we had gone to a ceremony he conducted for 2 older members whose spouses who had died -they already had temple spouses so it was just a civil thing.

Anyway, the Bishop was very long-winded and gave a 45 min lecture on the importance of marriage and the holiness of the temple. It didn't really relate to their wedding and H and I specifically asked that he keep it SHORT for our ceremony. Nope. He gave the exact same lecture. People were falling asleep on their chairs and I was getting REALLY sick of standing there. Obviously, he knew what we "needed" more than we did. Ugh.

I'm still pissed about that. What kind of jerk completely ignores a direct request by the bride and groom? ...oh wait. that would be a typical Mormon bishop.

But I do think it's great that your coworker's friends went out for beer afterward!


Subject: Re: grrrrr... Mormon bishops and weddings.
Date: Apr 03 21:05
Author: bona dea

Several of my nieces were married by bishops. They chose nice settings outside the church, but the ceremony was businesslike and the bishop gave advice which I found a little strange. Only one went on about the temple, but even so the lecture seemed out of place. It could have been much nicer IMO.


Subject: Humiliating the infidels. Check. Just like the good lil cult the morg is. :p
Date: Apr 03 21:03
Author: Tiphanie

Do it our way or we will make you regret it.

Yeah, that about sums up how mean mormons abuse anyone they can.


Subject: Re: Weird Mormon wedding account by co-worker
Date: Apr 04 04:37
Author: Asator

I just had a TBM friend get married. They were married in the temple and the reception was at a ward basketball court. It was covered floor to wall in purple carpet. VERY ugly if I do say so myself.

Oh, also I once went to a wedding where a never mo married an entirely inactive and only Mormon by birth couple got married in an LDS gym. I didn't get how they got that to happen or why you'd get married in an LDS building if you weren't LDS? She turned out to be a lesbian and the whole thing only lasted a couple months.


Subject: We made sure our non-temple wedding was perfect.
Date: Apr 04 05:48
Author: R-I-H

I was going to marry my fiancée no matter what any stuck up church leader told me. My Stake Pres. tried every effort to convinve me not to marry my wife telling me I didn't love her, just lusted her and prophesying that I might not see it but we would have lots of problems ahead of us. Ummm no, not one big issue yet loser! He also tried telling me waiting to get married when I was worthy was the best way and right way to get married, saying that getting married now would be an "easy way out" of my sins as I wouldn't have to worry about my 'lust' anymore. So lust is only a sin when your not married then? Surely it's wrong to marry just because you want sex!? Maybe that's why he got married, after all he does have 6 kids!

I live in the UK and my parents were worried that we would have to get married in the small 8X3 meter extension to the back of the chapel that people called a "cultural hall" as an older couple did that slept in the same bed before they got married (they were in their 60's/70's).   I said don't be stupid there is no rule about that' and there isn't and I would have fought it so hard the Bishop and Stake Pres. wouldn't have known what hit them!

I married in my wife's ward in the end, and in the chapel and also stopped attending church at my 'home' ward and attending at hers so I avoided hours long meetings of making me feel like crap. If I could change one thing I would have not met with the SP as much as he wanted me too and allowed him to tell me his lies and poke daggers at me before he was all 'nicey nicey court of love' and excommunicated me after I had to wait for 3-4 hours for a decision. I'm not not attending much, VERY infrequently, but my wife still does. Our wedding was the most perfect wedding i've ever been to and was much better that any of the other civil marriages (even of those going to get married in the temple as we are in the UK) and im glad we didn;t have to go travel all those hours to the temple afterwards to get 'sealed', it was quite nice to go back to the hotel after our reception ;). One thing I do remember my wife's SP saying (who performed the ceremony) was that he fully endorsed the reasons we were getting married for. Well... I had never told him why and my wife hadn't either and why mention it if it was so obvious as LOVE! And yes love is why I married my wife not for any other reason at all!


Subject: It would be nice to add this thread to the archives,
Date: Apr 03 17:27
Author: Colorado mom

so anyone wondering about Mormon weddings would see the two alternatives- the "wonderful, exclusive" temple wedding and also the ugly basketball court one.

What a shame that some young people, like my convert daughter, have no idea what they are choosing to experience on their wedding day. It is so "sacred" she couldn't even be told what would happen, but non-Mormon brides get to choose every detail of their arrangements; music, flowers, colors, guests and even write their own words for the ceremony.

Related topics:


13. Non-Mormon and Garments

15. Temple Divorces

19. Feel Ugly in Temple Clothing?

32. The Changing Temple

33. First Time to the Temple

42. Washing and Anointings

 44. Stopped wearing garments

66. Secret or Sacred?

127 Temple Marriage Ceremony

155  New Names Given in the Temple

165  Not allowed to the Temple Wedding

169  Can Temple Ordinances be Changed?

234  Changing Rules? Temple Marriages

238  She Can't Stand The Temple 

243  Temple Hype Versus Reality 

285  First Time to Temple II

288. Protestant Minister Pre-1990 Endowment

293 Excluded from Children's  Wedding

301 Speaking Publicly about the Temple

306 Temples are Running out of Names

331 The Temple Endowment not Changed per Apologist

339 Temple Marriage vs. Traditional

359 Canceling a Temple Sealing

366 Naked Touching in the Temple?

371 Young Women Dress up in Mother's Temple Wedding Gown

382 Excluded from Children's Mormon Temple Wedding II

474.  My Mother Denies Making Motions of Slitting her Throat in the Temple Prior to 1990

475.  My Father had to Pay $4000 to the Church to Attend My Wedding

478.  Mormon Doctrine:  Women Must Wear Bras over Garments?

 503.   A non-Mormon Mother unable to attend her daughter's temple wedding

507.  Women Write about their Temple Weddings 523.  Was the Temple a Turning Point in Your Believing in Mormonism?
533.  Video on the Mormon Temple Rituals 514.  Summary of the Mormon Temple
550  Benson:  Ground Zero in My Unbelief in Mormonism - the Temple 564.  Did the temple ceremony help you leave the Mormon church?
570.  The Making of the Mormon Temple Film 572.  Mormon Temple Ceremony and HBO Big Love Comments
573.  A non-Mormon Comments on a non-Temple Wedding  

Recovery from Mormonism - The Mormon Church

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