|The stuff I just couldn't take, and still can't forget. . . . .
|Nov 29 13:13
|I have been thinking back to my Mormon experience, and
all I endured during those years. There were things that I could not
tolerate then, and cannot think about now, without feeling angry. Some might
be petty, but they rubbed me as wrong as the real history of Mormonism did.
Its all part of the same heavy saddle Salt Lake puts on your back.
I hated the obsession with the Word of Wisdom. It was a monstrous thing, and it took on an incredibly ugly life of its own. Not content with what was listed in the actual Word of Wisdom, fanatic Mormons plugged in a tangled web of extension cords, and came up with cola drinks, cooking wine, and even prescription medications ---my father's step-mother would not allow my dying grandfather pain medication when he was dying of cancer, because it "was against the spirit of the Word of Wisdom."
The Word of Wisdom is a huge bore, and it turns coffee drinkers into sinners, and tea drinkers into evil people with no hope in the afterlife. None of it had anything to do with spirituality, goodness, Christianity, or common sense.
Another one I cannot forget, or get over, was the ham fisted nonsense one had to take from "Priesthood authority." Members have their lives pried into through offensive and intrusive interviews. Minor sins, once confessed, can be used as leverage to beat someone over the head, or get them kicked out of BYU. The knuckle dragging "Priesthood leaders" were, as a whole, a bunch of dopes who could not think, forgive, or see beyond the end of their own noses. They were incapable of answers, good advice, or practical thought.
They made Mormonism a huge and offensive intrusion. The took a good situation and made it bad, or a bad situation and made it worse.
I could not come to terms with the missionary experience either. It came as a complete shock to me. I went out full of idealism, and high hopes. I was going to embark on a splendid spiritual journey. I would gain that elusive testimony, know the church is true, and come back ready for a life of obedience.
What I got was a para-military nightmare, fresh from the exercise of totalitarian authority. I was told what to read, think, eat, and wear. I was not able to sit down in the summer heat without being made to feel guilty. I was expected to be out at night in sub-zero weather, knocking on doors at 9:00 p.m. I was rebuked for honesty, and humiliated for normal thoughts. I was pushed around, bullied, and misused. I came as a volunteer, asking for nothing. In exchange, I was treated like dirt. I never have forgotten the experience. After all, it was "the best two years of my life."
Temple marriage is another thing I regret. I had heard so much, and I was sure it would be breathtaking. I would feel bonded to my wife for eternity, and there would be no problems. Sure, some of my relatives could not come, because they could not get in the temple, but I was still certain it was right.
The actual ceremony was a short, sorry little affair. I wore clothes that embarrassed me, and my poor wife did not look like a bride. When it was over, we did not even feel married. Both of us were terribly let down.
There was nothing special about any of it. I still look back, and feel rather sorry we were denied a real marriage I could feel good about, or look back on with any degree of nostalgia. We never went back to the temple after the day we were married. Neither of us felt any desire to go back at all.
I will also never be able to forget the social pressure, and the constant concern my family had with what everyone thought. My poor mother was terrified of what the neighbors , our "brothers and sisters," would think.
Image was everything. Appearances were paramount. One said the right things, wore the right clothes, and went to the right places. Being caught out of the pattern could be damning. Heaven help the poor backslider who gets caught with coffee in their shopping cart. Such a thing could ruin a reputation, and cause a complete loss of friends. The suits were dark, the shirts were white, and the lives were regulated.
Even things from a person's past could haunt them. I recall a lovely woman in "the ward," who had been excommunicated years before. Soon, word got around, and she fell several pegs in many people's eyes. And it was not kept secret. Nothing was kept secret. All sins were public, all confessions common knowledge, and all lives were an open book.
So many things felt wrong, because they were wrong. A person is not supposed to be owned by a religion, or turned into a robot. People were meant to enjoy life, and think for themselves. You cannot do that in Mormonism.
|Thoughts from a Dog...
|Nov 29 14:18
|Ya know, all them people who like to say stuff like ya
just need to get over it need to read more things like this. I mean really
read em, not just do like where ya skim over it and don't let it touch ya,
A person- yeah, or a dog- is the sum of many things, and a life like this has a profound effect on one. I mean it goes to the bone emotionally if that makes any sense.
I know for a fact that ya can't just get over stuff... ya get through it somehow if yer lucky and later on ya wonder how in the houndhell you ever survived. It leaves its mark.
You can't change that, but folks like Louie, i mean they use it in a real good way cuz the stuff they write touches ya... at least if ya let it. I'm just a dog and not no good writer but I'm sayin this touched me...
Slurpies and waggies to ya, Louie, from a kindred creature.
|Bravo, Bro. Louie
|Nov 29 15:26
|Hap E. Heretic
|You summed up the whole Mormon experience so
Yes, Mormonism felt wrong in so many ways, because is WAS wrong, yet we were all taught it was the "only, true church" and if we had misgivings, WE were to blame for not having enough faith or being guilty of some indiscretion contrary to the church's stringent "moral" code.
Mormonism is a dismal treadmill, with more in common with a regime than a Christlike religion.
It's truly shocking to recount what we all were taught to believe was JC's genuine gospel.
If there is a Satan, he's holding the Mormon church and all it's members right in the palm of his hand.
Thanks again for another typically brilliant post.
|Adding on to sins not being private...
|Nov 29 15:30
|Backside Alley Oop
|I probably would have admitted my horrible sins to the
bishop such as masturbating and swearing if it weren't for the overwhelming
fear of not being able to pass the sacrament. Not that I cared to pass it
that much - I would just be totally embarassed if I couldn't. Their very
system mandates a public knowledge of sins committed... at least for
penishood holding males. That's just not right. Using humiliation as a tool
to keep you from sinning is just not right.
After all, the alternative to not admitting your sins to the bishop is lying to him, and therefore lying to God. I picked lying over humiliation. I guess bishops don't have the divine power of "the gift of discernment". I went on to baptize for dead people... pretty creepy now that I think about it.
|Mormonism as a religion and culture has turned micro-managing into a science.
|Nov 29 21:02
|It fosters tattle tales, fanatics, child like
behavior, restricted thinking, compliance by obedience down to the
The members often take on the Santa Clause syndrome; making a list and checking it twice; garment feel-ups, defined roles for men and women in marriage, how to have sex, and what kind, etc.
Boundaries and privacy are toppled in the name of invasive interviews by an entitlement of leaders.
Ask me if I am happy to be out of that environment!! :-)
|At one point when I was at BYU, there were slips around campus . . .
|Nov 29 21:14
|for anonymously reporting people who violated the Honor Code.
|Re: The stuff I just couldn't take, and still can't forget. . . . .
|Nov 29 21:12
> Heaven help the poor backslider who gets caught with coffee in their shopping cart.
Shortly after I left the church and was still self-conscious about doing non-Mormon things, a member of my former ward caught me in the store with coffee in shopping cart proceeded to tell me how he would never buy coffee, how it was evil, and so on.
We parted ways, shopped, and it turned out I was right behind him at the checkout counter. As the clerk pulled the mega-size orange soda out of his cart, I piped up so the clerk and the people behind us could hear, "Hey, Bro. So-and-So, you're diabetic aren't you? (He was.) Do you think that's really good for you?" He squirmed and turned a little red, but not a peep. He finished checking out and wheeled his cart out of the store looking straight ahead.
I happily made my coffee purchase and was on my way.
|Three words - Unreal - Phony - Pretending!
|Nov 29 23:58
|From my youngest days I was trained how to survive in
a world of gross pretenses. Of course I KNEW Joseph Smith saw God! Of course
I KNEW that the Book of Mormon was true. Of course if I wanted to be in the
Scouts, or play baseball, or date any girls, or get married (properly) I
just HAD to go along with all the conventional pretenses. That is, I had to
As a result I learned how to be a Good, Credible, Phony, BASTARD. Because of my lack of guts; because I wanted so much to belong; because the church offered me stupid ego enticements (Elder's Quorum President, wow!); because of such things I passed the "pretense problem" on to others in my ward, on my mission, and to my friends and family.
As a result I never had an honest relationship for the first three decades of my life!
A Big Lie needs even Bigger Liars...and Truth is the enemy.
|Re: The stuff I just couldn't take, and still can't forget. . . . .
|Nov 30 00:47
|Mastrubation is next to murder - and my father turning
me in to the Bishop for my salvation.
I couldn't deal with it then and I can't forget it now. I hate them both, even though they are long dead.
|Sticking their noses into my (married) sex life
|Nov 30 01:48
|Two years after I was married my now-ex husband came
home from sacrament meeting one day and informed me there was a letter from
the first presidency that was given to the priesthood and that he had to
read me. It was concerning oral sex, and the good old boys in SLC had
declared that it was an impure and unholy act and that if we wanted to keep
our temple recommend we had to confess if we were doing such things and
promise not to do them any more. I cried. I could not believe that a vital
and important part of my sexual experience with my legally and lawfully
married husband was taken away. Does this seem trivial? It was not. I went
through the humiliation of having to confess to our branch president that we
had indeed been indulging in this unholy practice and please forgive us and
let us keep our recommends.
I look back now on this experience and it breaks my heart. My faith in my husband that he would put me above all things was shattered. He loved the church more than me. He valued what the GAs declared more than he valued what made me happy and made me feel loved and close to him. It was the first nail in the coffin of our marriage and I never forgave him or felt the same about him after this.
Years later I found out the church retracted this directive and informed the local authorities that this was an issue between the husband and wife and they weren't to question them about it in a temple recommend interview. However, they never told the rank and file. Brother and Sister Faithful were never told officially that what transpired between husband and wife was strictly between them. The church let the notion stand that oral sex was evil. I found out by accident from a friend that a second letter went out but by then my marriage was in real trouble for a variety of reasons and it didn't make any difference anyway.
I hate TSCC to this day for sticking their nose into my married sex life. They had no business telling the "priesthood' what was right or wrong when it came to expressions of love between a husband and wife.
Those bastards who put out that first letter should have kept their hangups to themselves. After all these years, it still makes my blood boil.
|Re: Sticking their noses into my (married) sex life
|Nov 30 03:35
|Hap E. Heretic
|I think the way the church sticks it's nose into
people's sex lives, single and married, is reprehensible.
First off, we're all told that premarital sex is the sin next to MURDER, and we're not even supposed to THINK about it. If we happen to explore our bodies in all our teen-aged angst, that was a grievous sin that must be confessed and forsaken, PDQ!
No touching, petting, deep kissing prior to temple marriage, no sirree! All of that was akin to fornication, and would make us "filthy before the Lord" and "licked cupcakes". Any of these foul sins must be confessed in sackcloth and ashes, and MAYBE would be pardoned according to the untrained bishops whim and pleasure. Just pray you have a "spirit of the law" type of guy rather than a "letter of the law" type, or else you could be disfellowshipped, exed outright, or put on probation for a year or more.
And then, after we did our darnedest to "lock our hearts", clamp down on our hormones, and keep our hands to ourselves, we could marry and FINALLY have sex! But, wait a minute! Not so fast! It has to be only "church approved" intimacy, missionary position, and put those garmies back on immediately. Any oral gratification or other "unapproved" private sexual practices between lawfully wedded couples would STILL result in church discipline!
God Almighty, it never ends, does it?
The one good thing about all that ridiculous interference was figuring out that the brethren were full of it, drunk on their own power and prudery, and that the whole church morality code was so convoluted and crazy, it was pure rubbish!
So glad I got out before I did the whole temple/garment thing and had to submit to even more "interrogations" to get my free pass to the big house.
Pure insanity, isn't it?
|I was thinking the same thing. Wasted years. Unnecessary unhappiness. Hard to forget. n/t
|My never Mormon husband calls this Kindergarten Christians
|Nov 30 07:06
|They don't want me back
|When he looks at people who have such a immature and superficial understanding of God and religion he calls them kindergarten christians. Everything is black and white.
47. The Final Straw
65. Mormon Food
78. Mormon 30+ Years
91. Garment 'Police'
98. Caste System
204 Satan Stories
219 Loss of Passion
249 Mormon Funerals
300 Ward Boundaries
403 Jesus Needs $1 Billion for a Shopping Mall (now $2.0 billion)
|493. Mormon Mother Wishes Her Son had Died Instead of Leaving the Church
|486. Women who Know - Relief Society President Speaks at General Conference
|485. Mormon Church Keeps its Members in Isolation
|484. Is Relief Society Relevant? Women Role Models?
|499. Utah now Leads the United States in Depression
|521. More on Utah Leads the Nation in Depression
|536. Experiences on Being Single in the Mormon Church
|547. A Visit to Sacrament Meeting after Resigning 5 Yrs Ago
|543. Striving for Perfection
|551 Church's method of determining truth: prayer.