Subject: How Many Daughters & Sons Of Bishops R Here? How Old Were U When Mormonism Stole Your Father...
Date: Jun 25, 2010
Author: BeenThereDunnThatExMo

...and do you resent it still to this day?

Just curious if it was a benefit to your family at the time or perhaps the worst thing that could have ever happened to your family at the time???

Or so it seems to me...


Subject: My dad was in some form of "big" calling or other until last year.
Date: Jun 26 09:51
Author: ValkyrieShewee

He was Elder's Quorum president when I was younger, first counselor in the bishopric from when I was about 8-14, high councilor in the stake for 3 years, then bishop after that. Between church callings and work he almost never attended anything I did, but managed to find time to go to things my brother did. When I was 17 I had a wrist injury that required surgery, and he had promised to be at the last concert I would be able to play with the school orchestra. An hour before it started, my dad said he AND my mom were going to the stake president's office and wouldn't make it. When I got home, they said they had news, and I went "Let me guess: dad's going to be bishop." I was right, they were surprised and asked how I knew. I still don't know -how- I knew, but that was really the last time I trusted my dad's word on anything.

It was upsetting to see my dad come home from work early on church days (around 6 pm or so), but never do the same when I had anything going on. Some nights he'd be at work until 9 pm. All of his free time went to the church, and I can remember about two months of Sundays where we actually had my dad home and not at meetings. Even once I moved out of the house, he'd constantly cancel or be late to dinners or get-togethers because he "had" to do something since he was bishop.

Having my dad in these positions taught me a few things: 1 - I wasn't as important as the church or his work. 2 - I couldn't trust my dad. 3 - That I didn't matter as much as my brother: the only son, only natural child of my parents. (I was adopted). It's something I'm definitely still bitter about, mostly because nothing has changed.


Subject: All my years growing up
Date: Jun 26 02:10
Author: Elwood

From the time I was very small my father was either a high counselor or bishopric counselor, then was bishop when I was 12-18. I was 18 before my father ever sat with the family in church.

He was home Monday nights but otherwise always gone. He came to exactly none of my ball games, school events or anything else. He would have seen it as a sign that he was not important if he had had time for such things.

I resented it at the time, but have a different perspective now. Church positions were where my father got his self-image and sense of accomplishment. It gave him meaning and happiness. It would have been better if fatherhood had been more important to him, but it wasn't. In this area, I am not my father's son.


Subject: I was a son of a Bish
Date: Jun 25 19:43
Author: Mr. Happy

At the time he was also starting/building his business so he wasn't around much anyways. I don't resent him being away from home at all. I had more fun when he was gone.

I do remember a couple times he would come into Priest quorum and announce that he didn't have time for breakfast and he was starving. He would then take us all out to a restaurant and buy everyone breakfast. This was before the "block program" when we had to be at church early for priesthood and then hang around an hour or two before Sunday School started up.

He used to also get a kick out of telling the teachers and priests (during our annual "sex" lesson) that if you masturbated, hair would grow on your palms. Then he would sit back and watch who looked at their hands. Haaa haaaa.


Subject: Oh yeah
Date: Jun 28 10:24
Author: Koo Koo for Kaukaubeam

Bishopric from when I was 8-15 either as councilor or Bishop.

I have absolutely no memory of him being at any of my little league games or school programs. But I do remember him going to the church farm to work or to play church basketball or church meetings.

I mentioned this to him recently and I have to admit he looked genuinely grieved.


Subject: Over the first 16 years of my life, he was...
Date: Jun 25 19:49
Author: Stray Mutt

...a counselor in the bishopric, a high councilman and a bishop. There was always some sort of meeting or church work. I saw him at dinner and Saturday mornings. And priesthood interviews with Dad were not, oh, fun.


Subject: Daughter of a bishop. I was 12.
Date: Jun 25 22:00
Author: villager

I hated it, but didn't realize until years later what a negative affect it had on me.
The teenage years are difficult as is, but to have your dad bishop is torture.
It seemed like an honor for my mom, brothers & grandparents.
I never saw it that way.

The church took my parents time and their money.

It is a creepy cult.


Subject: Re: How Many Daughters & Sons Of Bishops R Here? How Old Were U When Moronism Stole Your Father...
Date: Jun 25 23:02
Author: Cratthes

Was a small child. With work and church, I did not see him much, except on the stand at church.


Subject: My old man was a bish 3 times growing up.
Date: Jun 25 23:12
Author: The Man in Black

Once when I was too young to remember. Another time when I was about 6-9, then again when I was 16-20.

My father could give a shit about me. He's a good man, but an awful father.

I intend to be a good father, and consequently perhaps an awful man.


Subject: Re: How Many Daughters & Sons Of Bishops R Here? How Old Were U When Moronism Stole Your Father...
Date: Jun 25 23:59
Author: Deet

My Dad was in several Bishoprics growing up and then became a bishop soon after I was married. I always felt bad for my Mom being stuck with all 10 kids while he sat on the stand. He was gone a lot due to meeting too.


Subject: Daughter of a Bishop from 12-17. nt


Subject: Bishop, Stake Pres, Mission Pres....
Date: Jun 26 02:03
Author: Chris

I don't think there was 1 year of my childhood when my father wasn't in a prominent calling. He started as a Mission President, became a Bishop when we returned home, and then a Stake President for nearly 10 years.

I initially viewed it as an honor during my early teens. I started to resent it more as I got older. I figured out the church was a hoax my senior year of high school and started to have a very tense relationship with him for the next several years as I left the church. I felt robbed of my childhood as a young adult and really resented it.

Time has passed and I am in my 30s now. We are still not that close, but have made major headway in healing. He just wants me to be happy now. I no longer blame him for any of it. Most men in his position wouldn't have turned down the callings. It is really good getting to know him again as an adult and put the pain behind us both.

Subject: Lost Him Permanently at Age 2
Date: Jun 26 08:16
Author: Anon Squared

Second Councilor for one Bishopric, First Councilor in the next, Bishop in the next--meaning close to 18 years. But it did not end there: up, up and away.

I remember one time when my old man sat with us in Church--right after I returned from my mission. Otherwise, we never spent time with him. He came home for FHE most of the time, but those were brutal affairs and my mother and sibs and I basically wept through the whole thing as we were told how terrible we were. He would also come home late at nights sometimes (never early) in a foul mood and yell at us. See our sports competitions or music performances? Not a chance.

All dad cared about was the approval of his own father and of the church, so we were expected to make him look good. Any normal childhood or adolescent problem was a disgrace to him, so there was never any empathy or support or even love. It was a terrible childhood, and some of my siblings have carried the damage into their adult relationships.

Family church my ass.


Subject: Why Can't tscc admit/confess to problems, then make adjustments?
Date: Jun 26 19:10
Author: Guy Noir, Private Eye

Anon Squared wrote:

> Family church my ass.

b/c it's headed by a bunch of pig-headed, arrogant chauvinists, who rely on position/authority rather than training & accomplishment, That's Why they turn ordinary people into despots/asshats.


Subject: Re: How Many Daughters & Sons Of Bishops R Here? How Old Were U When Mormonism Stole Your Father...
Date: Jun 26 08:31
Author: Boo

Daughter of Bishop and SP. [Stake President]
He was at church meetings constantly from when I was 4 to when I left home to get married at 20.
A good man who it would have been nice to spend more time with.

Subject: Mormon members & leaders need to pay attention to this thread. They don't have a clue
Date: Jun 26 14:12
Author: SusieQ#1

what it does to a child to have a parent that is more interested in being involved in church than in their lives.

That needs to stop.


Subject: My mum worked full time night shift with callings too. She slept then went to meetings all the time
Date: Jun 26 16:20
Author: OzPoof

When she was home with us she was always doing chores, cooking for someone else, doing a talk or lesson.

Every few weeks she would explode - throwing things, crying, screaming, because we didn't help her enough. We were little kids. Dad used to tell us to shut up whenever we made kid noise because mum had to get a couple of hours sleep between work and a meeting. We were lucky to see her at all.

Dad never was into church enough to get a big calling. Small callings like clerk or High Priest GL were enough. He worked too, attended meetings, home teaching. The rest of the time he was in a stupor staring at the TV - zoning out of his life I think. He was always telling us to be quiet. I can honestly say dad never talked to us. He said things to us but he never had a good talk.

We used to play outside with the neighbourhood kids all day. My first gay experience was with another teen at a rugby stadium we used to smash bottles at. My sister and her friends used to smoke cigarette butts they found in the stadium. She still smokes today.

We used to let ourselves in after school from about 11. Mum and dad were always out working or at meetings. We used to hate it when they got home. Dad was always angry, especially if he had just come from HT or another meeting. Mum was just tired all the time.

Mum is now relief society pres in her late 60s. She still works. I can still never get hold of her. I believe she has had very little actual fun in her life. She has been nowhere, done nothing but served the cult and worked.

The cult is a lie, and most TBM families lie. What people see from the outside is always a front. Our family was and is very dysfunctional.

I would love to have gone to the pub with dad when I was in my 20s and had a good yarn over a few beers. We never talked about anything real. It was all church crap. What a waste.


Subject: Daughter of a bishop, SP, Patriarch
Date: Jun 26 17:35
Author: AnonyMs

I remember being 5 and Dad was up on the stand. I don't know his position at that time. Mom was home with 2 little children mostly.

I didn't have a Dad around much. And when he was around it became too tense. He was quite controlling. And as a teenager I liked having him gone. I could swear at my Mom and be rebellious. Poor Mom. She didn't have the energy to have an important church calling. I think she was a primary teacher for a while.

Home life was not very loving. Dad tried to punish when he was around and Mom was sick much of the time.



Subject: my dad was in the bishopric from when I was 12-17.
Date: Jun 26 18:50
Author: Tauna

He was gone an awful lot. He also had 2 jobs (to support 12 kids) and so was not home much at all. Mom was really stressed and unhappy.

Dad got called a few years ago to be a bishop at BYU. I still had a couple of my sisters at home. I lived out of state, but my other siblings complained that Dad was so focused on his bishop calling that he was missing Grandkid birthday parties and stuff like that. One tbm [Mormon] sister of mine was very bitter about it.

I think it hurt my dad and his relationship with his kids, but I think it basically drove my mom to insanity. During these years, her weight doubled and her health has never been good since.


Subject: Compare to other faiths....
Date: Jun 27 19:15
Author: Guy Noir, Private Eye

In other faiths, ministers have agreements with their congregations; they sometimes specify how much time, how many sermons per year, etc.
(believe it or not...) Others in the congregation are trained & can help.
If there's too much to do, an associate can be employed!

One person *the MO System* can run that One Person into the ground!


Subject: What a sad, sad thread . . .
Date: Jun 27 20:57
Author: JackMormon'sWife

I'm sorry you all had to go through that.

Shannon ;o)


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